4 steps to get over your breakup.

Because, hey, they happen. And it sucks!

[This newsletter will always be free to read, but it’s also how I supplement bills and such - which allows me the flexibility to bring you the best possible sex education every week. So, if you like what you read, please consider a paid subscription.]

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Hey babe,

While I may be married and have a new baby, it doesn’t mean I don’t know how to move on from a relationship, kids. This sex therapist has been around the block and I have worked with countless people to help them move on after breakups.

Are you recently single? Was the relationship pretty healthy and now you don’t know what to do with yourself? Step right up. Because I’ve mapped out the 4 essential steps to moving on. Let’s do this!

Step 1: Accept that people change and that’s OK

When you’re going through a terrible breakup it’s easier to be angry than it is to see the bigger picture. We hide in our feelings of rage instead of accepting that people grow and change.

“It's important to understand that even healthy relationships can end. We are not all meant to be with each other and it might just come down to different interests in life and not enough of a connection,” Dr. Nikki Goldstein, PhD., a sexologist and relationships expert, told me when I asked her about the end of good relationships.

We cannot control the paths of others and we have little control over our own destinies. We can only hold ourselves responsible for our own actions. It’s frustrating to find that someone you love has not evolved in the same ways you have. It is overwhelming. The first step in moving on from a healthy relationship is the acceptance that we have only a modicum of control over the future.

Step 2: Don’t cling to something or someone that doesn’t want to stay.

If your partner needs to be convinced to stay with you, let them go. You don’t need to devote emotional labor to entice someone to stay in a relationship with you. If you even for a second find that you are listing reasons why you shouldn’t break up, you should probably consider endings things.

A relationship takes a lot of work. It takes commitment from both partners. Through the uphill climbs and tumultuous life events you will surely face, you have to know, deep down, that this person is in it no matter what.

If you’re grasping on to a person who is questioning whether or not they want to wake up with you every morning, what the hell are you doing in a relationship with them?

Step 3: Honor what you had.

If it was a healthy relationship, appreciate it for what it was and what it gave to you. “Often people want to try and put a person down or say the relationship was rubbish as to justify the ending. You can honor it and remember the good times away with you,” says Goldstein. A healthy relationship that ends in heartbreak is no longer healthy. It had to be over. There is no alternative.

Take the lessons from your past love, no matter how raw your wounds may be, and use them to fuel you. Becomes the best version of yourself. The best way to move on is living your fabulous, successful life.

Step 4: Remember that you are a badass.

Forgive yourself. There is no shame in a breakup, even if you didn’t do the breaking up. When you’re trying to be an empowered person, rejection is the one thing that can knock you down off your pedestal. It’s a kick in the stomach. Do not let it break you. You are better than that.

We’re conditioned to believe that we are only truly worthy if we have a romantic partner. This is how all of us — but especially women and those raised female — are taught to view themselves. And it’s bullshit. You are a magical, fantastic, incredible person.

This week’s mantras:

1. I am worthy of love.

2. I am stronger than I give myself credit for.

3. I will love myself.

I love you. Have a great week!

XOXO Auntie Gigi

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~Good ReadsSsSssSsSs~

• I’m back in Women’s Health this week offering up my best G-spot vibrator recommendations. Check it out. Read more. — WOMEN’S HEALTH

• This piece on couples who swing was such a fun read. I love seeing people live their best lives. Read more. — THE TIMES

• This piece on sex after cancer was really informative and interesting. Read more. — THE CUT

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Weekly LOL

This sent me.

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That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you.