Are you a grower or a shower?
What science has to say about p3nises.
[This newsletter will always be free to read, but it’s also how I supplement bills and such - which allows me the flexibility to bring you the best possible sex education every week. So, if you like what you read, please consider a paid subscription.]
Hey babe,
Let’s talk dicks. What a wonderful way to start the week, right?!
Are you a “grower” or a “shower”?
There are few penis owners who haven’t been asked this question, and it is so embedded into the cultural lexicon that we can’t escape it as a concept. We are #obsessed.
Why? Because of our toxic idea of what it means to be a “man.” We’re hot for the debate of grower vs. shower because big penises are still at the pinnacle of what we consider peak masculinity. Your dick can’t even catch a break when it’s flaccid. How can anyone handle that much pressure? Frankly, it’s bullshit.
Showing off your penis is supposed to give you confidence and “show what a man you are.” If you have a big weiner, it’s supposedly ultimate symbol of masculinity - especially if you can show how big it is even when it’s soft. And that’s why penis size is such a huge source of anxiety for a lot of men. Because this is an impossible standard to live up to for most people.
I can tell you right now that falling into either of these two camps is completely normal. We need to stop placing so much importance on penis size and focus instead on actual sexual skills.
But in case you’re still wondering why some people are growers and others are showers, here is what the science tells us — and what it doesn’t.
Grower vs. Shower: What does it even mean?
A grower is someone whose penis is much smaller when flaccid than when erect. A shower is someone whose penis is close to the same size when flaccid as it is when erect, or the penis looks quite substantial no matter the physical state. The idea is that the person looking at the penis is being “shown” what they can expect during sex.
Some people grow bigger than their flaccid state and some stay pretty much the same size when flaccid to erect. It’s just the name of the game.
What the science has to say.
While there are many theories running rampant on the why behind being a grower vs. shower, experts agree that it comes down to one simple thing: genetics. Yep, it’s really out of your control. Whether you’re a grower or a shower depends on the amount of collagen you have and the elasticity of your penile tissue.
When it comes to what is more “common,” a study from 2018 of 274 participants showed that 74% of people are showers. While this sample size was quite small and may not be representative of the whole male-bodied population, it does give us some insight. Basically, science tells us that growing or showing happens as a result of complex genetic development. Everyone is different, and that’s okay.
It’s all totally normal.
Penises are all unique — no two are exactly the same. Some penises are bigger, some are smaller, some are thicker, some are thinner. Some grow and some show.
Penises can also vary in size depending on where you are mentally, physically or environmentally at the time. For instance, if it’s mad cold outside, you junk may temporarily shrink in order to stay warmer. #biology.
Are there any perks to being a shower or a grower?
The perks of being a shower or grower are purely psychological. If you’re a shower, you probably aren’t self-conscious about the state of your flaccid penis. This, in turn, could lead to more body confidence.
But here’s the thing, as long as you’re able to perform the way you want to, how your penis looks while flaccid is kind of meaningless. If you can maintain erections the way you want, experience pleasure, give pleasure, etc. - it doesn’t mean jack shit if your penis grows or shows.
Regardless of where you fall on the ‘grower v shower’ spectrum, sexual performance is not impacted.
There is quite literally zero evidence that being a grower or shower makes you better or worse in bed. Some people have the toxic masculine idea that a bigger penis means the person is better at sex. This just isn’t true. We need to let go of the penis shame, give male-bodied people a break and focus on enjoying pleasure rather than obsessing about penis size.
We need to stop worrying about this because it’s messing with our heads. The only time being a grower or shower could impact you is if you’re so worried about it that anxiety makes it impossible for you to get an erection. If this is the case, I’d definitely suggest seeing a sex therapist or coach who can help you work through your anxieties.
Being a grower or shower isn’t going to make you better or worse in bed. In fact, penis size in general has very little to do with sexual performance. Communication during sex while being able to give and receive pleasure are the things that actually make sex good, not the size of your dick.
This week’s mantras:
My body is beautiful.
My body is capable of giving me so much pleasure.
I deserve pleasure.
I will love myself.
I love you. Have a great week!
XOXO Auntie Gigi
This newsletter originally appeared on InsideHook.
Have you subscribed to the Internet Sex Therapy channel yet?
Don’t miss out! New episodes every other week.
~Good ReadsSsSssSsSs~
HAVE YOU SEEN MONEY SHOT: THE PORNHUB STROY ON NETFLIX YET? You absolutely have to. It was so good, enlightening - and honestly, super heartbreaking because so many amazing adult creators have been harmed by all of the shitty legislation that has been aimed at eradicating sex work.
Here’s a little video I made about porn … because sex work is work.
Have you heard of breeding kinks? I wrote all about it for Cosmo - where I’ll be writing weekly for the foreseeable. Read more. - COSMO
Which toys are the most discreet? Which are the best to travel with? These are all questions you might ask when buying a new toy. Because, tbh, having your MIL or a TSA agent find you vibrator is hella awk. Want my best recommendations? Look no further. Read more. - WOMEN’S HEALTH
So, your first period after giving birth can be a real doozy. Even I wasn’t aware of this and I’m a women’s health educator. It makes sense, considering the trauma your body has been through after pushing a literal human out of your vag, but still, this was a very interesting (and slightly nerve-wracking ngl) read. Read more. - GLAMOUR
That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. Body confidence is so central to pleasure. Take some time to look in the mirror today. Choose 3 things you really love about your body - even small things. Write them down. Read them every single day.
🙏👏💯