G-Hot Q&A: How to become c!iterate.
G-Hot Q&A: How to become c!iterate.
Dr. Laurie Mintz joins us to answer all your pleasure questions.
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Hey babe,
Welcome to your monthly G-Hot Q&A! Today we have the brilliant and amazing Dr. Laurie Mintz. And she is the queen of what it means to be “clierate.”
Dr. Laurie Mintz is a Professor at the University of Florida where she teaches Human Sexuality to hundreds of undergraduates yearly. She has published over 55 academic works. She is the author of two popular press books—both with published studies demonstrating their effectiveness: Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters and How to Get It and A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex. Mintz has a private practice, working with clients on general and sexual issues.
OK! Let’s hear from Dr. Laurie.
Q: Tell the G-babes about yourself. What made you so passionate about educating people about female sexuality?
A: Hello! I am so excited to introduce myself to you. I am a professor at the University of Florida, teaching Psychology of Human Sexuality to hundreds of students a year. I am also the author of two popular press books—both written with the aim of empowering women sexually and both with published studies indicating that readers become more orgasmic, desirous of sex, and sexually satisfied: Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters and How to Get It (HarperOne, 2017) and A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex: Reclaim Your Desire and Reignite Your Relationship (Adams Media, 2009). With this same goal of providing scientifically-accurate, sex-positive information to enhance female pleasure, I also gives presentations and workshops to professionals and lay audiences, including having the honor of giving a TEDx talk. For over 30 years, I have also maintained a small private practice, working with both individuals and couples on general and sexual issues.
Q: What is the biggest thing people get wrong about cis-gendered women and sex?
A: There are SO many things that people get wrong! However, I believe the biggest one is that it is ideal for women to orgasm from penetrative sex. Media routinely portrays women having fast and fabulous orgasms from penetration alone, leading many to falsely believe this is how their bodies should work and feeling broken when they don’t orgasm this way. Importantly, though, the overwhelming majority of women don’t orgasm from penetration alone. They require clitoral stimulation, either alone or coupled with penetration, to experience orgasm.
Q: How important is the clitoris to female sexuality?
A: For most, it’s essential! Research finds that only 15-18% of cis-gendered women say they orgasm from penetration alone and the rest need clitoral stimulation. Perhaps even more striking, in research I’ve conducted with thousands of women over the course of over more than 10 years, only 4% say penetration alone is their most reliable route to orgasm. The remainder choose clitoral stimulation alone or clitoral stimulation paired with penetration.
Q: What is the most interesting thing you learned while researching and writing Becoming Cliterate?
A: I learned how little science has focused on studying women’s anatomy and pleasure and due to this, how much missing or contradictory information there is! In fact, here is a sidebar in the anatomy chapter where I describe discovering this.
Redirecting, Redirecting, Redirecting!
Have you ever used a GPS and taken a wrong turn, and it keeps telling you that it is redirecting you—still leaving you lost but now also frustrated at the GPS itself? That’s how making this orgasm roadmap was for me. Even though I lecture on female anatomy in my class, when doing additional research for this chapter, several times I found myself more and more uncertain. I kept finding inconsistencies in information, even across reliable sources. For example, two sources pointed out that the clitoris attaches in two places to the inner lips (parts you will soon learn about in detail) and a third source presented this as an either/or choice (i.e., it attaches in one or the other place). But, then, a fourth source (the one I trusted the most) said it attaches in one place. Trying to gain some clarity, my awesome research assistant and I looked at ours (independently, not together!) multiple times (it’s a hoot to be my assistant!). We both found two attachments. So, I wrote the author of my most trusted source and the answer was something along the lines of “You’re right! I didn’t know it attached in two places.” Wow! Here was a world renowned authority on sex, still sometimes confused and trying to figure out accurate information on women’s sexual anatomy. I was floored, but relieved to get an answer to this anatomy puzzle. But things got even more confusing when trying to direct my talented illustrator to draw the clitoral bulbs (another important part you’ll soon learn about). In some illustrations, they looked like floppy rabbit ears and in others they looked like inflated balloons. Initially, I figured some were engorged and some weren’t (you’ll learn about this too), but the sources were generally unclear about if my assumption was true. Also, sometimes the bulbs ended above the vagina, sometimes below. I again wrote a trusted colleague who had a picture in their source, and they sent me an actual X-ray they’d used to create their picture. But, the X-ray and their illustration looked totally different to me! In the end, for the pictures in this book, I opted for a combination of aesthetics and a compilation of other pictures. When I somewhat fearfully confessed this to my brilliant editor—telling her I knew my facts were accurate but I wasn’t sure if my pictures were 100% so—she pointed out that this confusion and inconsistency was the reason for this book. She said it was a perfect illustration of our societal ILLCLITERACY! To achieve CLITERACY, we need a GPS that doesn’t keep redirecting. So, while this roadmap might not be perfect, I hope it provides more clarity than questions. More than that, I hope it will give you directions that are straightforward enough to get you where you need to go (or, need to come, as the case may be).
Q: If you could give one piece of advice to cis-gendered guys who are trying to please a cis-gendered gal, what would it be?
A: Please don’t assume that you have to last long and thrust hard to please her. Instead, tell her that her pleasure is important to you and ask what she needs and wants to experience pleasure and orgasm with you. Also, tell her that you are cool with her bringing her vibrator into the encounter. Please don’t see the vibrator as a threat, but as your ally. Women who use vibrators have easier and more frequent orgasms and men who endorse their partners vibrator use have more satisfied partners.
All of this will help you enjoy yourself more too. It takes the pressure off of you to “give her an orgasm” and instead, you can revel in your own pleasure too!
Q: Anything else you think the readers should know?
The most essential step to orgasming with a partner is getting the same type of stimulation you get alone. Any type of stimulation you use alone can be transferred to partner sex with creativity and communication!
If you’ve never used a vibrator, give it a try! Many women don’t orgasm until they use one. Myths about vibrators being addictive, desensitizing your clit, or replacing partners are all B.S.!
It’s totally normal to feel aroused in your head and not in your genitals and vice versa. This is called arousal non-concordance.
Lube is your friend! Many of us don’t produce enough lubrication, no matter how aroused we are. So, grab some lube and apply it generously to the outside of your genitals, on his penis, and inside your vagina. Silicone lube is best for penetrative sex but can only be used with silicone toys that are medical grade silicone and you still need to spot test first. For use with silicone sex toys, water-based lubes are best.
Sex is not supposed to hurt! If you have any pain, please stop the action instead of just dealing with it. Sexual pain can have many causes—including not being aroused enough before penetration occurs. So, if you have pain, make sure you are fully aroused before letting him in and use lube. If the pain doesn’t go away when you do this, see a physician who specialized in sexual medicine as much pain is medical and needs treatment.
I hope you enjoyed this month's installment of the Q&A series. Please share it, like, and comment if you looooved it!
I love you. Have a great week!
XOXO Auntie Gigi
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That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. All pleasure is beautiful and so are you.
