G-Hot Q&A: The power of being a submissive.
Julieta Chiara joins us to talk all things sub in k^nk.
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Hey babes,
Welcome to your monthly G-Hot Q&A, where I bring you industry leaders from all over the sexuality space to share their insights with you.
This month we have Julieta Chiara. She is a Sex & Kink coach, sex blogger, and adult space influencer. Through years of experience as a seasoned BDSM submissive and rope bunny, Julieta now smoothly transitions women from sexual stagnancy to their truest, kinkiest, erotic lifestyles via online 1:1 coaching, courses, and workshops.
Hope you enjoy!
Q: What made you interested in BDSM?
A: When I was about 16 years old, my ex boyfriend pulled my hair hard during sex - while many may not like that, it totally flipped a switch for me. I felt a rush of pain, pleasure, and SURRENDER go through my body: A submissive was born! From this experience, I went deep into the world of research around BDSM, practicing my own adventures, and eventually getting to share this gift with others on a professional level.
Q: What does it mean to be a submissive for you? And how has embracing that identity changed your life?
A: Submission to me in sex means full trust, surrender, and connection with someone while pushing my sexual edges. It's helped me create a space of safety around my typical life where I am very independent, dominant, and perhaps even a bit masculine - which can be tiring. The submissive dynamic as a very powerful woman is tantalizing, taboo, sexual, and even comforting for me. It's made me much more confident in myself, my body, and my pleasure.
Q: What do people get wrong about being submissive in BDSM?
A: Submission is often painted as a partner who is giving up their power, or someone who is being abused/degraded. Submission is a consensual, powerful space to be in sexually: You are in control of what happens to you, when it happens, and how it happens. In many regards, those in consensual dom/sub dynamics have more integrity, ethics, and consent than our "vanilla" counterparts.
Q: How can readers know if being a submissive works for them?
A: A hallmark of submission is within the word surrender. Ask yourself, would it feel nice for someone else to lead an experience for me? For me to be of service to someone else's needs? To receive rather than always give? To take a break from trying to be dominant or powerful? Playing with these energies can give great insight to see where a submissive dynamic may work for you.
Q: Any tips you'd want to share with the G-babes on what they could do to embrace their inner submissive?
1. Create safety: Where can you create ultimate safety and comfort to really explore and surrender with your partner? This could be having convos about submission, researching ways to submit, and looking at tools that might add to your exploration.
2. Be open to receive: Where can you ask or let someone else lead the experience, like let your partner plan a dinner date without your help? Submission lies in letting someone consensually lead the way for you (within your needs and boundaries).
3. During intimacy or sex, experiment with your partner giving you commands: Telling you what position they would like you in, what they would like to see you do, ask you what to say. See if this gentle flow of power feels natural. Surrendering into submission is also very physical: Experimenting with modalities like impact play or bondage can help us relax into our body and mind, creating undertones of subspace - think light handcuffs, or spanks.
I hope you enjoyed this month’s Q&A. Please share it, if you did!
I love you. Have a great week!
XOXO Auntie Gigi
That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. You deserve to have sex that is authentic and wonderful for you. This can look however you want it to and no one else gets to judge that.
Great piece!