G-Hot Q&A: What does it take to be a s8x writer?
Beth Ashley tells us about her journey as a top writer in the s9xual wellness space.
[This newsletter will always be free to read, but it’s also how I supplement bills and such - which allows me the flexibility to bring you the best possible sex education every week. So, if you like what you read, please consider a paid subscription.]
Hey babe,
Have you ever wondered how someone actually becomes successful writing about sex for a living? My career as a sex journalist as been a wild ride. And during the last decade, I’ve met some amazing and brilliant writers.
This week, Beth Ashley, a UK-based writer is going to give us the skinny on how she became one of sex journalism’s top people.
She is a journalist, researcher and factual TV producer creating features, investigations and TV programs about sex and relationships, and class. She’s written for the likes of Vice, Refinery29, Dazed, i-D, The Face, Glamour, Cosmo, Stylist, The Guardian, The Independent, iPaper, The Metro Women’s Health, Mashable, and more.
You can see her work on her website here.
OK! Let’s get to it.
Q: What got you into sex writing? Tell the G-Spot readers about your journey to where you are now.
A: I’ve always had a keen interest in sex and the way it intersects with the different areas of our lives from our mental health to our identities, careers, friendships and just about everything you can think of.
My mum was super sex-positive when I was a teenager so it was always easy for me to stay curious and keep asking questions, which looking back, I know I was so lucky to have. I went to university and did a journalism with creative writing course and specializing in sex felt like a natural step, considering all that previous interest, along with being the go-to friend for sex advice.
Q: Do you think writing about sex has changed over the years since beginning?
A: It’s definitely changed a lot, I think! There has been a lot of positive change, particularly with the sex positive movement booming a few years ago and laws becoming more relaxed around the LGBTQ+ community. I think a lot of sex writing is becoming more inclusive of certain experiences that were once considered “niche” (when they really aren’t).
You see more sex writing that includes trans people and uses gender neutral language now, less stories that assume all women want to be mothers, and less stories that equate sex with penis-in-vagina penetration. It’s amazing to see. On the other hand, sex writing has changed a lot particularly in the last year or two in that it’s becoming censored again. Instagram, Facebook and TikTok all hate sex and it’s making sex writing harder to promote online. If you’re in this space online, you’d only have to scroll for a few seconds before spotting a begrudged sex writer who’s getting censored, shadow banned, deleted and whatever else. The more we progress, the more the internet seems to reel things back into mediaeval times. Hopefully this can change in the coming years.
Q: Do you think it's different to be a sex writer in the UK than the States?
A: I’m sure sex is pretty similar on both sides of the pond but I have noticed that the States seems to have a much more thriving kink scene across multiple states, whereas the UK’s kink scene is still early-days and can only really be found in certain cities like London and Manchester.
Every time I write about kink or fetish I seem to find more kink educators with super-niche specialities (from shibari to sploshing) in the US to interview. I also think writing in general is pretty different in the UK vs the States. I could upset a few people with this generalization but it seems like the States are a bit more respectful and appreciative of writing as a trade and US publications tend to offer much fairer rates. In the UK, going rates are lower than they were 30 years ago. So, big difference there!
Q: Is there a piece you're particularly proud of you that you could tell us about?
A: I really love the on why so many women are having unsafe anal sex. It’s unbelievable just how many stories I got in my inbox for this one, from women who suffered injuries from improperly performed anal sex or had anal sex just because their partners wanted to, and none spoke to professionals. There’s still such a strange (and incorrect) assumption that women don’t want or don’t have anal sex and that misconception endangers women. It was great to get this important story out there and provide the advice that clearly hasn’t been as accessible as it should be. The expert I interviewed for this piece was amazing, too.
Why are so many women having unsafe anal sex?
“Bad technique and the lack of sexual education leads many people to experience some form of trauma.” Read it here.
Q: Do you have any advice for G-Hot readers who might want to take up sex writing?
A: Any tips from a true pro? Honestly if you want to write, just write. Find the subjects that interest you most (for me, my stories come from conversations with my partner, friends and family) and get writing. You could start a blog. You could pitch editors and shoot your shot at writing for magazines. You could write on social media. You could even write in your own notepad and keep it just for you.
Just go for it and try not to worry about writing things that have already been written about - it doesn’t matter. We haven’t heard your perspective and your voice yet so don’t let that stop you.
If you are going to pitch magazines, start small. Write for indie mags to get some bylines and a few quid, then build your way up to the big names you’ve always dreamed of seeing your name in.
Also, don’t feel like you need to be the kinkiest hoe going to be able to be a sex writer. There’s always room for vanilla voices!
Q: Anything else you'd like to share about being about yourself or being a sex writer?
A: I think a common misconception about sex writers is that we’ve done it all and we’re great at it all. In reality, I think all types of sex workers including writers, reporters and artists have plenty to learn. We all find sex tricky at times and our experiences are always teaching us, no matter who we are!
I hope you guys enjoyed this latest installment of the G-Hot Q&A. If you did, leave a comment!
I love you. Have a great week!
XOXO Auntie Gigi
That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. You deserve all the good things.
