The 3 biggest secks secrets I wish people knew.
The more we know, the better seggs can be.
[This newsletter will always be free to read, but it’s also how I supplement bills and such - which allows me the flexibility to bring you the best possible sex education every week. So, if you like what you read, please consider a paid subscription.]
Hey babe,
I’m often asked for my biggest sex secrets. And you know what? That is so hard. What makes sex wonderful is so subjective from person to person. But there are a few secrets that I think can apply to most intimate partner relationships.
If I had to choose, I’d say these are my top 3 sex secrets that I wish all people knew.
1. That libido changes throughout relationships and our lives.
Understanding that desire changes, ebbs, and flows throughout life is normal. We need to work with it, not have unrealistic expectations.
We're overly intoxicated with lust in the beginning of relationships because of New Relationship Energy. That's why we can't keep our hands off a new partner in the first few months of dating. We are majorly all over each other because our brains are awash in feel-good hormones like oxytocin and dopamine. That's why we feel so sexually aroused and horny all the time in new relationships - we don't need as much of all the other situational factors because we're so high on New Relationship Energy. Besides, spontaneous desire is seriously overrated.
Think about it this way:
When you go on a date and you’re planning to have sex, it’s not “spontaneous.” You do your hair, you wear the sexy panties, you put on the perfume. You prepare for that event. It’s not like “Oops! Wow! Had no idea we’d be having sex and I just happen to look like a screen siren!” No, that desire is Responsive. You created an erotic charge in yourself - by both thinking about sex and by dressing in an outfit that made you feel sexy.
2. Sex routines get boring and creating novelty in your sex life can bring back spark.
We could all do well to take a page out of the NRE book. Everyone (even monogamous people) can learn from the concept of New Relationship Energy. When you’re with someone for a long period of time, it’s crucial that we keep the love and sexiness alive. Otherwise, we experience a cooling effect, wherein we start to become listless in the malaise of the same old, same old.
When you reignite sexual energy - it isn't the same as NRE, but it is very fulfilling. Rekindled relationship energy is important because it encourages the new couple to spend time together and get to know each other. It is the time where trust is built and the foundations of the relationships are established.
Instead of letting your romance run its course, fight to keep it fresh and interesting. Go on dates. Stay curious. Try new sex things together. Keep falling in love with your partner every single day.
3. Non-sexual intimacy is so important.
Anytime we hug, kiss, rub, squeeze, and nuzzle into a romantic partner, there is an intimate charge. This comes from the sexual relationship that exists between couples. This type of touch doesn’t involve the touching of genitals, but is intimately based in that it allows us to meet the needs of sex, like feeling desired, expressing desire, and connecting in a way unique to us as sexual partners. It gives us a chance to engage with our partners and strengthen intimacy without sexual touch.
Taking the pressure or expectation of sex out of touching can be really liberating and open couples up to rebuilding intimacy. When we feel like every hug, kiss, and nuzzle is going to need to be followed up with sex, we start to avoid it. Allowing it to take root back in your relationship can be the balm that heals it.
This week’s mantras:
I will honor my sexuality.
I will nurture my sexual desire.
I will love myself.
I love you. Have a great week!
XOXO Auntie Gigi
New video with Arousr: What is a somno k!ink?
~Good ReadsSsSssSsSs~
Is it ever OK to date an ex’s friend? Well, yes and no. It depends on the nature of the relationships involved. Read more. - LIFEHACKER
Did you know that people sometimes get boners when they propose? It has a lot to do with the complex biological and social factors that go into creating erections. And yes, it’s normal! I talked all about it this week. Read more. - COSMO
How to safely and successfully navigate a first date? We all know we could use some of this energy in our lives. Read more. - GLAM
Missing the bar on safer sex is a one-way ticket to an STI, pals. Read more. - ASK MEN
That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. You deserve every single morsel of pleasure in the world. I love this for you.
