Wait. What the heck is blue v-lva?
Hey babe,
If you’ve heard of blue balls, the description of blue vulva might be something that rings a bell for you because it is literally the same thing. Blue vulva (also known as “pink pelvis”) is a term for the build-up of sexual tension in the body during sexual activity, only to have said sexual activity stopped before orgasm.
Yes, both male bodies and female bodies experience this. The reasons we haven’t really heard of blue vulva are as follows:
The lack of sex education we have in this country.
The socially accepted cultural scripts that prioritize male pleasure over female pleasure.
The commonly held notions that women and female-bodied people “just don’t orgasm during sex,” “just don’t like sex as much,” and “don’t care if they come or not.”
Now, all of these reasons are absolute crap, and we need to dispel them immediately. People with clitorises do enjoy sex, want orgasms, and want said orgasms just as much as their male-bodied counterparts.
Before we get into what this “condition” is, how it works, and how to handle it, we’d like to be very clear that blue balls and blue vulva are not medical conditions (and it doesn’t literally turn the vulva blue), nor do they entitle you to pressure a partner into sexual acts. People (mostly cisgender male people) have been using the “pain and agony” of so-called blue balls to guilt women and people raised female into “finishing them off” for as long as the term has been around.
To be extremely straightforward (because it’s important as all hell): Pressuring someone into sex of any kind is sexual coercion. And that is assault.
OK, now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s get into the interesting facts around blue vulva—because it can be uncomfortable. And there are lots of ways you can relieve it all on your own because you are a capable, adult human.
Blue Vulva: What It Is and How It Works
Blue vulva is characterized as a feeling of discomfort you’re sexually aroused but, for whatever reason, can’t have an orgasm to release the tension. It’s extreme horniness that, for whatever reason, isn’t met with climax.
Yes, female-bodied people totally get hard-ons, pals.
Both female-bodied and male-bodied people have erectile tissue in their clitorises and penises, respectively. In cisgender women and other people with vulvas, this erectile tissue is mostly inside the body. The clitoris extends far beyond the small nub you see on the outside. It has a full body that reaches internally, down the sides of the labia and back toward the anus.
When you’re fully aroused, all of your internal erectile tissue will become hard and full of with blood in the same way that a penis gets becomes aroused and hard.
This happens because "this tissue has special capillaries that allow the blood to flow in and out like normal most of the time, but when aroused (aka, erect), the blood flows in and not out, making the tissue erect until climax,” says Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist, and author of Becoming Cliterate told me in an interview. “The blood flowing in and staying builds up, and an orgasm is when the blood is released with a series of rhythmic contractions of the pelvic floor muscles.”
And when you don’t get that orgasm (the final release), blue vulva may occur. When put in these terms, it makes sense, doesn’t it?
How to Handle Blue Vulva
If this is something you’ve experienced (or are still experiencing), you have our sympathies. But do know that this condition is both temporary and easily fixed.
Mintz suggests the following tried-and-true ways of relieving blue vulva:
Masturbate to reach orgasm! Yes, you can!
Rest and let time go by in order for the genitals to return to normal.
Try to distract yourself with nonsexual thoughts or activities.
Place a cold compress on your genitals, such as a frozen bag of peas wrapped in a small towel.
If you’re looking for a more holistic approach, try engaging with your sexual arousal and reframing it as something to feed your body and soul. You can try bringing up the energy into your body and seeing how it releases inside of you - or you can use it to dance around, in a bit of a heightened state - aka: while aroused and horny.
There are lots of options here. Remember that this is temporary and, in the grand scheme of things, really not a big deal by any stretch of the imagination.
How Uncomfortable Is Blue Vulva?
For the vast majority of people who experience blue vulva (and blue balls), there may be a bit of restlessness or mild discomfort. This can and will pass within a few minutes. As soon as your brain sends your genitals the message that sexual activity is over, the blood vessels open and blood flows out of the erectile tissue and back into the body. These are simply scientific facts.
You might be thinking, “But it’s so painful and frustrating!” And, like, yeah. Maybe.
The culmination of sexual tension that results in blue vulva (or blue balls) can be painful for some people. And if it is, and we’re not sure how we can be more clear about this: Jerk yourself off. Use a sex toy, use your fingers/hands, hump a pillow. You are capable of giving yourself the release. So do that. Don’t pressure your partner, don’t complain, don’t whine. Simply rub one out and call it a damn day. Your partner does not owe you an orgasm. Ever. Got it?
All right, now go forth and take your sexual wellness into your own hands—and enjoy partnered sex only with enthusiastic consent.
This week’s mantras:
I deserve an orgasm.
Orgasms are good for me.
I am responsible for my own orgasm.
I will love myself.
I love you. Have a great week!
XOXO Auntie Gigi
~Good ReadsSsSssSsSs~
For TheBody, I explored low desire in cis-males (cis-men, AMAB people). This is something that is largely misunderstood and isn’t given a lot of attention. We have a lot of incorrect notions about male people always wanting sex, always being down to clown etc. Read more. - TheBody
Have you ever heard of arousal oils? They’re kind of like lube, but also very different from lube. They help to increase blood-flow and excitement. Now, there isn’t a TON of research to support their claims, but anecdotally, they have a lot of positive benefits. Read more. - Foria
Every couple is different and will have different priorities. And not everyone has sex high on the list. The thing is, it’s not a problem unless one or both people are unhappy with their situation. Read more. - Psychology Today
That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. Now go and have an orgasm. It’s Monday. We need to some joy.
