Can you masturb8 too much?
The topic always comes along with conversations about frequency, namely: Doing it too much.
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Hey babe,
Wherever there is content extolling the benefits of masturbation, so too will you find a whole onslaught of voices condemning it. The topic always comes along with conversations about frequency, namely: Doing it too much. And masturbation appears to be one of the most uncomfortable topics.
Libido is built out of our reward system - and so the more positive experience you have, the more you want. Masturbation and orgasms beget wanting more masturbation, sex, and orgasms. This is a longer way of saying that masturbation is amazing. Masturbation is a fantastic (and free!) way to de-stress, unwind, and boost positive neuro-transmitters. It can also help boost mood and self-esteem.
At the same time, there is nuance. Technically, you can do pretty much anything too much. But you only really need to worry if it’s negatively impacting your life. For instance, if your masturbation habits have you skipping work, ditching sex with your partner, or are causing pain or injury, then it may be worth it to reevaluate your masturbation habits.
This is pretty rare and if you’re not experiencing this, wank on!
In all likeliness, your wanking habits are probably completely normal and fine. And so, for this glorious month that is Masturbation May, we will be doing away with the pervasive idea that if you’re getting off too much, you’re doing something wrong or shameful or might break your dick/clit. Let’s shift the mindset.
Can you actually masturbate TOO much?
Basically, not really. As long as you’re not rubbing yourself raw or ditching work to pound it out 24-7. There just isn’t any science-based information or evidence to support the idea that someone can masturbate too much. And what even does ‘too much’ mean? This is impossible to quantify because every single person has a subjective experience. What is ’too much’ for one person may not be for another.
What’s more, there is no evidence that frequent masturbation is in any way bad or addictive. The idea that masturbating too much can become a problem is heavily steeped in shame and sex-negativity. Using terms like “porn addiction” or “sex addiction” is not supported by any credited organization. These terms just increase shame around sex and are not endorsed by either the ICD or the DSM-5 as an addiction.
If you think your behaviors are a problem, this is probably because you feel a certain way about masturbation.
It’s not usually about whether you’re masturbating too much, it’s about how you FEEL about the behavior. A recent study found four groupings of individuals based on masturbation frequency and sexual satisfaction.
High masturbation frequency + Satisfied
Low/no masturbation frequency + Satisfied
High masturbation frequency + Dissatisfied
Low/no masturbation frequency + Dissatisfied
What’s more, studies have shown that people who have higher levels of religious belief are more likely to view their masturbation habits as “addictive,” when the behaviors themselves are by no means clinically compulsive.
If you can shift away from the idea that masturbation = less than, gross, wrong, or addictive and into a mindset of masturbation = happy, healthy, and normal, you’re likely to see a massive improvement in how you perceive your habits. After all, masturbation is a healthy and OK form of sexual activity. Enough with the shame.
Where death grip comes into this story.
Like all good things in life, you might run into problems. Death Grip refers to masturbating in a repeated way, with a very tight grip on the penis. It can also refer to clitorises that are receiving the same, intense form of stimulation (often with a vibrator), leading to temporarily diminished effectiveness of other forms of sexual activity. The term “Death Grip” was originally coined by legendary sex columnist, Dan Savage in 2003. Savage was also the first person to coin the term ‘pegging’ (when a cis-man is anally penetrated by someone wearing a strap-on or dildo).
Death Grip is not an official medical diagnosis - it’s a recognized phenomenon that has been seen in many clinical settings. But, the aim should be dealing with it without pathologizing people. Death grip is actually highly treatable and highly subjective. It’s only a problem if you believe it’s a problem and want to do something about it. There’s nothing wrong with preferring or even needing one form of stimulation to receive pleasure, if that’s what you want.
If you’re experiencing Death Grip and feel like you’re losing sensation, change up your masturbation habits. Basically, the more you masturbate in a specific way, the more we get into a routine and the more we create loops — this can make us less likely to orgasm or experience peak pleasure during other forms of sex.
Try using lube. Try using imagination instead of porn. Try a flesh light. Use a different stroking pattern. Essentially, you just want to keep different sensations happening so you don’t get too used to one thing, you know?
It’s not that you’re damaging your penis/clit or causing permanent desensitization, it’s just that you’ve gotten used to masturbating in a certain way - and so other forms of sex don’t feel as intense.
You can also try practicing mindfulness. This is a form of meditation-like practice that is rooted in bringing awareness to our bodies and sensations. Staying connected to our bodies can help to foster stronger connections between our genitals and our minds.
It’s not that you’re masturbating too much, it might just be that you’re masturbating in the same way a bit too much. It might mean that you’re masturbating in a way that isn’t super connected to your body and doesn’t foster a ton of awareness. Masturbation frequency doesn’t need to cause problems if we cultivate a creative and positive mindset around it. Death Grip isn’t permanent and it simply means a change-up might be in order.
All in all, your masturbation habits are probably completely fine and we’d do better to celebrate self-love, rather than demonize it.
This week’s mantras:
Masturbation is not shameful.
I deserve to have a beautiful, bountiful sex life with myself.
I will love myself.
I love you. Have a great week!
XOXO Auntie Gigi
Part of this newsletter originally appeared on Mashable.
~Good ReadsSsSssSsSs~
This week I took a deep dive into why someone might experience decreased penis sensitivity. When it comes to a decrease in penis sensitivity, it’s important to look at a whole range of factors at play, from biological to psychological to lifestyle factors. This brings up a lot of questions, to be sure: Is this serious? What can I do about it? Where does “death grip” and mental health come into this equation? Will my erections be unreliable forever now, or what? It’s a complicated sexual health issue. Read more. - THEBODY
For COSMO, I got into the weeds on Age Play. Think: Daddy Dom/little girl etc. This kink is endlessly fascinating — and it really seems to bring up a lot of feelings for people. These dynamics in D/s relationships are very common and happen between consenting adults. Read more. - COSMO
I loved this nuanced piece from Psychology Today that addresses ‘weaponized incompitance.’ Weaponized incompetence refers to the deliberate feigning of incompetence to avoid tasks or responsibilities. And it can actually destroy your sex life. Read more. - PSYCHOLOGY TODAY
Have you wondered how to have more intense orgasms? First, we should understand how orgasms work. Orgasm is ‘the release of sexual tension at the height of sexual response’. The way the media depicts orgasms creates a really unrealistic expectation that’s rather theatrical and prioritises performative sexuality over lived experience.
‘It just creates a sense of insecurity for people who are experiencing orgasm in this way. All orgasms are created EQUALLY. Read more. - METRO
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That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. You’re perfect just the way you are. We need to give ourselves more love and gentleness. You’ve got this.
