Do you even know how to m9asturbate to the fullest?

I teamed up with Good Vibes to give you the best tips and tricks to take solo play to the next level.

Apr 08, 2024

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Hey babe,

We are talking solo play today. I teamed up with Good Vibes (one of my FAVE sex toy companies) to create my ULTIMATE guide to amazing masturbation for vulvas. I’m so excited about this! Let’s do it.

Masturbation might be the greatest thing in the world. We are very, very here for masturbation. Masturbation for one and all, we say.

Masturbation comes with a lot of shame and stigma – and lots of myths, but we’re not about that life.

Everyone can benefit from some masturbation tips and guidelines to fully explore self-love. Whether you’re a beginner or a seasoned pro, there is a lot you can learn to change up and spice up your routine.

After all, it’s not like you’re going to learn about this stuff in school. Sex Ed in America is a disaster. The most you’ll learn in a classroom is how to put a condom on. There is zero focus on pleasure of any kind, regardless of gender or genitals. You won’t even hear the word “masturbation” in any sex ed class. Everything is focused on pregnancy prevention or abstinence. While learning about pregnancy prevention is very critical, that isn’t the only thing of import when it comes to sex.

Pleasure is CRUCIAL. We need to talk about pleasure, celebrate it, and hype it to the max.

Here is your complete guide to solo sex. Because you deserve it.

What is masturbation?

In a nutshell: Masturbation is the act of self-stimulating the genitals for pleasure – usually to the point of climax. It is an entirely natural part of being a human being. Masturbation is normal and healthy – and should not be feared or demonized.

Masturbation is, at its core, a tool for self-discovery. Many people need to masturbate to learn how to experience pleasure. According to data from OMGYes, only 5-15 percent of AFAB people orgasm through penetration alone. Only 1.5% do so solely by putting something inside their vaginas. According to the research, the vast majority of AFAB people masturbate by stimulating their vulva and clitoris – roughly 86.5 percent of AFAB people.

This means that most people with vaginas require (not just want, not just enjoy, but REQUIRE) clitoral stimulation in order to experience orgasm – which you’re probably not going to get during PIV intercourse on its own. Masturbation serves as a means to figure out what brings you pleasure and orgasms so that you can communicate with a partner to have more shared pleasurable experiences.

Masturbation truly is self-love.

Why do people masturbate?

The primary reason people masturbate is quite simple: It feels really, really good. Self stimulation is a simple and straightforward way to bring yourself pleasure. And that deserves to be celebrated.

Masturbation can also serve as a stress reliever, as it decreases cortisol (stress hormone) levels, and promotes feel-good brain chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine. Orgasms can even help you sleep!

Masturbation is also a great way to explore your own body and discover what brings you pleasure. This can positively impact sexual interactions with partners, as you come to the table better equipped to communicate what you do and don’t like sexually.

Is it normal to masturbate?

It is absolutely, 100 percent normal and healthy to masturbate. Self-stimulation is a radical act of self love. Being able to bring yourself to orgasm is such a profound and powerful experience for AFAB folx – especially when we live in a world that demonizes female and queer sexuality and pleasure.

Orgasms are an essential part of self-care. Giving yourself pleasure can be as fundamental to your daily routine as breakfast and brushing your hair. When we orgasm, our brains release a whole host of feel-good chemicals that offer a state of calm and well-being.

What are the benefits of masturbating?

● Stress reduction
● Release of sexual tension
● Learning about your body
● Building body confidence
● Help with sleep
● Experiencing pleasure and orgasms
● Toning the pelvic floor
● Pain relief
● Boosting immunity

Setting the scene before you masturbate

Before you start touching yourself, you want to be sure you’re setting yourself up for the optimal experience. This means cultivating a space and context that helps desire blossom.

Things to consider when building a sexy space:

● Smells (such as from lighting candles)
● Sounds (music, white noise machine, porn)
● Temperature (be sure your room is lovely and warm)
● Equipment (if you’re going to use toys, have them ready and charged)
● Calm (you want to be in a calm and relaxed headspace)
● Lighting (relaxing mood lighting such as fairy lights or a salt lamp)

Then, consider bringing out some sexual stimuli. Sexual stimuli can come in the form of pornography, from reading erotica, fantasizing in our heads, taking deep belly breaths, and dancing, touching our bodies, admiring ourselves in the mirror – just to name a few things.

Everyone is different.

We highly recommend checking out the Good Vibes erotic book section. If you want to learn more about how desire works, I strongly recommend reading Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski and Mind The Gap by Karen Gurney. They are amazing, life-changing books!

Foreplay and warming up

Once the scene is set, you’re well on your way to a top notch masturbation experience. Now that you have the engine started, it’s time to get the body on board. Foreplay is just as important with yourself as it is with partnered sex. For many people with a clitoris, going right in for immediate stimulation can be uncomfortable, painful, or just plain old too much.

Start by touching your body all over. Rub your belly, thighs, and breasts. Follow what feels good. If a certain sensation feels pleasurable or intriguing, keep doing that thing. There is no wrong way to warm yourself up – it’s all about doing what feels good for you.

The idea behind your self-pleasure warm up is to get your body aroused before going full on with masturbation. This can increase relaxation, body-mind connection, and even make orgasms more powerful and easier to achieve. Additionally, it can be super-useful as a tool to communicate about your sexual desires and needs with partners.

You can always try using an arousal gel to help get sensation going. These gels are designed to increase blood flow to the genital region, which can increase arousal. Always patch test on your arm before using the product on your sensitive areas. We love this gel from Sliquid. (If you have any sensitivities, also make sure you check ingredients before you choose and use one of these products.)

Tips during masturbation if you have a vulva and vagina

OK, folx. You’re warmed up and ready! It’s time for the big show. Here are some tips to get you started with self-pleasure – or to up your game, if you’re a seasoned pro.

Always use lube.

Lube is a must for all forms of masturbation and sexual touch. When in doubt, a high quality water-based lube is your best friend.

Experiment with pressures and sensations.

Do you enjoy light touches or firm touches? Circles around the clitoris, or an up and down motion? Internal stimulation, external stimulation, or both? Get experimental. You cannot do masturbation incorrectly if you’re following what feels good for you. Don’t be afraid to try different things.

Follow pleasure, rather than orgasm.

We tend to have a real goal-oriented mindset around masturbation (and all sex, really). Paradoxically, the more pressure we put on orgasm, the more elusive orgasms become. Instead of trying to climax, explore and indulge in the journey. Self-exploration during masturbation is about finding what works for you and what brings you pleasure. Yes, orgasms are amazing and it’s completely valid to want them – but masturbation has the potential to be a lot more impactful if we allow it to be about more than just the big finish.

Breathe into your body.

Take deep belly breaths while you explore your body. Try breathing in for 3 and out for 3, releasing any tension you're holding. Try to focus on the sensations you’re experiencing in your body. This will help to strengthen the mind-body connection, making pleasure more intense.

Try different positions.

Again, curiosity is key here. You can try masturbating on your back, on all fours, standing up, on your side – it’s really about what works for you. You don’t have to “achieve” a bunch of different positions for masturbation to be amazing. It’s about finding the position (or positions) that is most comfortable for you.

And, of course, toys.

Toys are a fantastic way to take pleasure to the next level. Check out our toy recommendations in the section “Sextoys to help you achieve these sensations” below.

~Good ReadsSsSssSsSs~

The Amazon sex position is a fairly new sex position and a serious internet sensation—for good reason. This athletic, woman-dominating stance has a lot to offer among fun and different sex positions. I covered absolutely everything you need to know over at Men’s Journal this week. Don’t miss this one. Read more. - MEN’S JOURNAL
Did you know I actually love the 69? I think it’s so underrated. But if it isn’t your thing, I rounded up my very favorite variations this week. I promise you’ll be able to find one you love. Read more. - MEN’S JOURNAL
Conservatives in the UK are trying to dismantle sex education in schools. And it is deeply concerning. Read more. - MASHABLE

One of the KEYS to amazing self-love, baby. And I have all my toy recs over on the Good Vibes blog. So don’t sleep on it.

Get toy recs

That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. You’re a superstar and you deserve PLEASURE.

The G-Spot by Gigi Engle

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