Does crying during seggs turn you on? This one's for you.

If you get turned on by tears, you're going to love this breakdown.

Jan 13, 2025

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Hey babe,

Firstly, to all my LA babies — I love you and I’m sending you a zillion hugs from London. If any of you other darlings would like to help support the fire relief fund — and help assist those in need, donate here to the food bank.

I know y’all come here for fun/education/light hearted quips, and not the endless sadness that is our ongoing news cycle so let’s get into the sex ed stuff.

What a way to kick off the new year — Crying during sex. What could be hotter, amiright? Jokes aside, this is actually a really a surprisingly common thing to have happen during sex. But, perhaps even more interestingly, some people are actually horny for crying. God, I love how interesting and complex sexuality is, don’t you?

Want to talk about crying kinks? Because we are going to right now!

I received an email a while back from Paul* (not his real name) — and he had some interesting insights to share. This then lead to a larger investigation into crying fetishes. As one does, of course. And the results were so interesting.

Dive in with me and let’s explore my findings.

Several years ago Paul, 39, sat with his partner as she ranted about an office drama unfolding at her workplace. Gossip about her had made its rounds. The worst. We hate to see it. As she spoke, her anger began to melt. It turned into a visceral sadness. The hurt and pain of what her coworkers were saying about her bubbled to the surface – because, let’s be real, that will sting.

Paul comforted her, wanting to be close, to be there for her.

In that moment, watching her tears flow, he realized he was white-hot turned on. “I felt a mix of love and gratitude for my partner, and a pang of guilt for being erect while she was in this state,” he tells me via email. “Grabbing the back of her neck and pulling [her] in for a kiss, I could almost smell the tears flowing down her face as our lips touched.”

Luckily, she was very into this unexpected detour to HornyTown. One thing led to another and soon their primal instincts took over and things got spiiiicy.

Crying is a major turn-on for Paul. He has a kink for tears, describing them as “a pure aphrodisiac.”

While crying may not immediately scream “SEXY AF'' to the average person, this is actually a more common kink than you might imagine. There are over 65,000 clips on Clips4Sale with the keyword "crying" or "tears." Most of these clips come from the "Crying" category.

~Scientifically~ referred to as “dacryphilia,” this fetish describes being sexually aroused by tears or sobbing. You’re simply randy for that raw emotion, baby! While research has found that tears can dampen libido for some people, particularly cis-gendered men, it would appear to do the exact opposite for others. The complexity of human sexuality never ceases to amaze.

Why are people into crying as a means of sexual gratification? Where does crying fit into kink and BDSM play? Let’s discuss.

What is dacryphilia?

Dacryphilia is a paraphilia that centers on crying, sobbing, and tears. This is when someone is turned on by tears — whether it be the sound of crying, the taste of tears, the emotional release etc.

High-key, some people get turned on by their own crying, a partner crying, or even both.

While research on tears as a fetish is limited, adult content centered on crying is plentiful. Avery Martin, who handles creator relations at Clips4Sale, tells me that tears in adult content have often been stigmatized because people often assume the person crying isn’t enjoying themselves. Martin says this isn’t the case. “Tears can stem from happiness or distress, or they can signify vulnerability, or gratitude. And sometimes, the fetish is just an erotic attraction to tears, no matter what the source,” she says.

Plus, tears can be layered into all kinds of content. “At C4S, crying fetish overlaps with face fetish, eye fetish, and make-up fetish. Tears and crying can also be incidental, rather than central,” Martin adds. “Spanking, tickling, and even oral sex can involve tears.”

Basically, tears can be the core fetish – or be a welcomed byproduct of intense kink play. In either case, tears are a turn-on.

Why are people into crying?

Getting turned on by tears is not a simple and straightforward kink. Here are the 3 big factors that are central to a crying fetish, from real people who have them.

Intense emotion.

The appeal of crying seems to be the intense emotional states that come along with tears. When we cry, we’re deeply vulnerable.

“There’s something about being shown a woman’s vulnerability through emotion that feels empowering,” Paul says. “That a woman could feel safe enough in my presence to process her emotions, whether sadness, anger, or other, is the ultimate turn-on.” Science correlates with Paul’s feelings. A recent study found that female tears actually created a calming response in cis-male subjects.

Liz River, a Clips4Sale creator who has been making crying content for nearly ten years, finds that the appeal lies in the inherent authenticity in crying. “You can’t really fake cry, you’re either doing it for real or you’re not. I think it's the vulnerability,” she tells me via email-interview. River first got into making crying content when a long-time friend asked for a 20-minute crying clip – and has been into it ever since.

Mike*, 37, one of River’s past content companions, also recognizes the profound (and hot) impact of witnessing someone’s tears. “People seem more willing to let themselves be seen naked than crying. It's really special to me when someone lets me see them in the total raw emotional state that most people would hide from others.”

Crying is a stress release.

We may associate crying with being turned on because of the relaxation knitted into a cathartic cry. Crying releases the mood-regulating compound manganese.

Additionally, when we cry, we release a lot of stress and tension from the body, which in turn can lead us to feel relaxed and, yes, turned on.

No wonder crying can develop into a kink, you know? It feels AMAZING to do it sometimes.

Powerplay and kink

Tears and crying have a very special place in kink and BDSM, particularly during more intense play such as impact play, bondage, and other pain-for-pleasure activities.

Alice Lovegood, a spicy content creator, sex educator, and founder of the Better Sex Blog, and her husband, tell me that in kink, it’s about ‘pushing past the point of comfortability’ for your dominant partner, to the point of tears. You’re giving into intense sensation, beyond what you think you might be capable of, in service of your Dom. You want to give them the gift of your complete submission. You’re crying because you’re pushing past your limits, and this is incredibly hot.

This, of course, is done with enthusiastic consent, trust, and lots of post-play aftercare.

But it isn’t just pain-play. On the flipside, Reed, a sex educator, spicy content creator, and host of the ComeCurious podcast, and her partner and fellow spicy content creator, Domic D, say tears can also come when you’re experiencing too much pleasure during a scene – where you get to the point of breaking down. Your partner is pushing you past your limits of what you can handle sensation-wise – and you love it (and hate it and love it and love it). They describe this as “the ultimate submission.”

Basically, people are going to be into this for different reasons. And it’s important to do some thinking about why this is such a turn on for you — and how you’d want it to manifest in real life.

Have a crying fetish? Tell me about it in the comments.

This week’s mantras:

Kink isn’t shameful — even the unusual ones.
What happens between consenting adults is no one else’s business.
I will love myself.

I love you. Have a great week!

XOXO Auntie Gigi

Part of this newsletter originally appeared on COSMO.

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