Fine, I'll bite. Let's talk about soaking.
The Mormons are at it again!
[This newsletter will always be free to read, but it’s also how I supplement bills and such - which allows me the flexibility to bring you the best possible sex education every week. So, if you like what you read, please consider a paid subscription.]
Hey babe,
Everywhere I turn people are talking about soaking. This bizarre sexual act is having a media MOMENT. I first came across is some years ago by means I don’t remember. I just recall thinking: Wow. Religious people will literally do anything to fuck and not get in trouble with god about it. Damn.
Anyway, let’s talk about soaking. Because, honestly, it sounds like we need to.
First things first, what the heck is soaking? Is it different from other forms of penetrative intercourse?
Soaking is when a person with a penis puts their penis into a vagina and then holds very still. It is Mormons who do this, as far as I know. You're literally "soaking" the penis in the vagina -- which, yes is a nauseating way to put it. It's different from other penetrative intercourse in that there is no movement. You're holding very still. The idea being that if you don't hump, it doesn't count as sex.Â
Sometimes a friend or third person will jump on the bed in order to facilitate the movement -- again this is seen as a loophole because the people doing the soaking are not moving and therefore, aren't sinning. I'm not entirely sure how well this actually holds up with Mormon elders or the church. I assume not well, but I could be wrong. Any mormons want to weigh in on this? Comment on the post!
Part of the reason people are soaking is because it supposedly allows them to preserve their virginity … but this is some serious bullshit, actually.
Virginity is a social construct and actually is medically meaningless. Hymens are usually linked to virginity -- but this is again medically meaningless as a hymen cannot determine whether or not you've been penetrated. Hymens come in all shapes and sizes - and sometimes people don't have them at all. Virginity is not a state of being or a fact, it is a social constructed rooted in the control of women and their sexuality.Â
Interestingly, in most churches would absolutely count as losing virginity because the vagina is being penetrated -- so I'm not entirely sure how soaking even caught on as being a loophole with the Mormons.
The risks of soaking (because this is not a risk-free adventure, my loves)
Soaking carries the same STI risks as all other forms of penetrative intercourse. Just because you aren't moving inside someone doesn't mean you couldn't be exposed to an STI.Â
For people who want to experience pleasure without having penetrative sex, there are other options that aren’t soaking (which, frankly, sounds awful).
There are a million ways to experience pleasure that have nothing to do with intercourse. Masturbation, hand sex, oral sex, etc. The problem is that these are also seen as sinful within the church. This is highly limiting and probably the reason young people are forced to be so creative.
Policing teenagers sexuality is DANGEROUS.
Study after study has shown that trying to teach abstinence and trying to control teen sexuality doesn't stop teens from having sex. What it does is make teens have sex in unsafe ways. Without proper education STI and teen pregnancy rates skyrocket.Â
It also creates a culture of shame where people feel badly about their wants and desires -- and this can actually lead to sexual dysfunction. Shame is the main ingredient in poor sexual experiences and a lack of pleasure.
OK, well I hope you enjoyed this soaking wet journey as much as I did. You learn something new everyday, huh?
This week’s mantras:
Sex is not shameful.
I deserve pleasure.
Sex is not shameful (SAY IT AGAIN!)
I will love myself.
I love you. Have a great week!
XOXO Auntie Gigi
~Good ReadsSsSssSsSs~
What does it mean to be sex positive? Sex positive simply means that you believe sexuality is an important part of the human experience and it deserves respect. I was interviewed for this amazing deep-dive into what it actually means to embrace and live in this concept. Read more. - MEN’S HEALTH
It’s not a secret that anal is something I’m a big fan of. The first thing to consider when you’re venturing into anal territory is how an anus becomes a pleasure zone for both male and female-bodied people. People of all (or no) genders have a butt hole and it is a potential erogenous zone for everyone. But what toys are the best for pleasure? Well, you know I got the goods. I gave all my best recs to SheKnows this week. Read more. - SHEKNOWS
I really loved this list of things that couples with the hottest sex lives do. Having a sustained sexual connection for the long-term is absolutely possible. It’s about making your sex life a priority. Read more. - BUZZFEED
Writer Beth Ashley has written an amazing (like truly amazing) book called SLUTS. And she wrote an ancillary piece in Mashable talking about how the internet has become ground zero for slut shaming in recent times. Don’t miss this one! Read more. - MASHABLE
Weekly LOL
A real mic drop.
That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. Sex is not a shameful thing just because society has told us to be shameful about it. Shhhh you heard it here first.
