Hey sweets,
I’m sure it comes as no surprise that I am a huge fan of anal sex education. So, I thought it might be fun to share my 3 golden rules of butt play. And below that, 3 of my favorite toys for beginners. Enjoy!
The Golden Rules of Anal Play
1. Understand the anatomy of the anus
Know your stuff before you do anything physical. The first thing to consider when you’re venturing into anal territory is how an anus becomes a pleasure zone for both male and female-bodied people. Both sexes (and all genders) have a butt hole (it’s the one sex organ we both have, actually!) and it is a potential erogenous zone for everyone.
You don’t need to shove anything super far up a recumtum to feel sensation. Most of the anal nerves are within the first two inches of the anal opening. This is a nerve-rich cluster that can be stimulated with fingers, a small (or large, depending on your experience level) butt plug. There is a common misconception that because the anus is not a closed canal like the vagina, you should stick things up as far as they can go. This is not the case.
2. Lube is not optional
Lube is your golden ticket for all things anal-play. It doesn’t matter what you read on Reddit - spit is not an option during butt stuff. The anus doesn’t self-lubricate the same way a vagina does - even though vaginal sex should also mandate lube.
Get yourself some reliable lube. The wetter the better. If you don’t use lube, you risk hurting your partner or possibly tearing something. Hard pass.
Don’t buy products full of harsh chemicals and glycerine. Stick with good, organic options. Coconut oil is good choice for butt plugs, but can erode condoms. For anal sex, stick to a silicone-based, or water-silicone hybrid lube so it stays on throughout. My favorite silicone lube is All Night Long from ASKYN, of course!
3. The receiver is always in control
The person receiving the anal stimulation should always, always, always be in control. It may seem counterintuitive, but it is critical for enjoyable play. If you are the receiver, be open and honest about what you’re feeling. If you need your partner to slow down, say so. If it hurts, stop entirely and take a break. When and if you’re prepared for anal sex, lower yourself onto your partner’s penis or dildo. Move at your own pace to be comfortable. The bottom is the person in charge.
My favorite butt toys for beginners.
Njoy Plug ($59, buy it here).
The Njoy Plug is a piece of equipment anyone who loves prostate play will love. It's made of metal - one of my favorite types. There is something to be said for plugs that offer a heavier weight. Having extra pressure on the prostate or against the rectal wall for to stimulate the A-spot - for clitoris owners - can feel up the ante tenfold. Stainless steel toys have a masculine feel, which can add a layer of sexiness to prostate play. Plus, stainless steel is so easy to clean and disinfect. You boil a pot of water and throw your plug in. There’s no big show or complicated instructions.
B-Vibe Rimming Plug ($150, buy it here).
The Rimming Plug not only offers sensation against the prostate, but its vibrating base also gives the anal opening intense stimulation. The opening to the anus is a nerve-rich area that feels incredible when touched with toys or fingers. This plug’s rotating beads are a true game-changer. Right when you thought anal stimulation couldn’t get better, it does.
Aneros Prostate Massager ($50, buy it here).
The Aneros is widely known among sex education professionals as one of the best prostate massagers on the market. It looks a little intimidating, but it’s really just a classic anal plug. It’s wide handle makes it easy to use, while the unique short and curved shape aligns with the prostate like nothing else out there. But it's amazing for all all genitals.
I hope this was helpful!
This week’s mantras:
All pleasure is good pleasure as long as everyone is a consenting adult.
I deserve to enjoy my sexuality to its fullest, always.
I am made of star stuff.
I will love myself.
I love you. Have a great week!
XOXO Auntie Gigi
~Good ReadsSsSssSsSs~
These 16 True Sexy Stories Will Make You Blush
I spoke to Elite Daily all about ~sexual chemistry~ for this truly saucy roundup of real life amazing sexual experience stories. They are *fans self* … HOT.
According to Gigi Engle, certified sex coach, sexologist, and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide To Sex, Love, And Life, the best sex happens when there’s strong sexual compatibility. This may seem like a no-brainer, but Engle explains that many factors can contribute to that spicy, sensual chemistry. "Sexual compatibility occurs when two or more bodies and minds match up during a sexual experience,” Engle tells Elite Daily. “You're super into the things this person does to your body: the way they kiss, their smell, their sexual technique. You have chemistry, and things are hot. It means there is a spark. Everything sort of works."
Dirt Under My Nails
TW: RAPE.
In this bone-chilling personal essay, the author explores the incomprehension and dissociative power of trauma - as well as their own love of masochism in sexual play. They articulate the ways in which they relate, coexist, and diverse; the ways in which they are a part of her identity. And, above all, how through masochism in sex, they have found themselves.
The reasoning that my masochism is a trapped echo of trauma mutes kinder truths: early fantasies, parts of me that came before, all the joys that came after. I relate to masochism as part of my identity. It isn’t an affliction, but an appetite, a capacity for emotion.
Trauma and BDSM do not always exist together, but they can be two sides of the same coin for some; a way to take back power, to find yourself, to experience joy.
My partner masturbates often, but we rarely have sex. How do we make time with 3 kids around?
The author suggests to the reader that masturbation has nothing to do with the sex life she has with her husband. Now, in a lot of respects I do agree. Masturbation is a healthy and normal act that one can engage with inside of a relationship, in a healthy way.
The issue that is missing for me in this piece: The piece where masturbation habits are replacing sexual intimacy with the distressed partner. Masturbation is completely OK, but if it’s draining your sexual resources, leaving you with no energy for your partner - that is an issue. What do you think?
~Ask Gigi~
Ask Gigi: The Barriers to Orgasm We Often Ignore
Women are not less sexual than men. It’s time to do away with this boring trope. Yet, women often want sex less often. But why?
It’s entirely likely that a big obstacle to female orgasm and pleasure is the type of sex women are having. If you’re not comfortable, aren’t getting the stimulation you need to orgasm, and aren’t able to communicate what they need to a partner. So, what can we do to change this?
That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. Stay well. Drink your water. Masturbate. And don’t text your ex!