If doggy style isn't your thing, but you want it to be, here is what you should know.

Sure, it's a fun one, but it isn't everyone's best position. And that's OK!

Mar 03, 2025

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Hey babe,

Doggy style is hot. Most of us can agree on this. Sure, it’s not for everyone, but for those of us who love it, we LOVE it. The problem? Sometimes this position can be a bit uncomfortable or even painful.

All too often women and AFAB folx experience discomfort or pain during sex and simply grit their teeth to “get it over with.” This is not how sex should be. Sex should be fun and it should feel amazing.

If doggy style is something that appeals to you, but it isn’t enjoyable in practice due to pain, here are a few things you can try.

Traditional doggy may not be your bag – and that is a-ok

This may seem obvious, but for many of us, going right for the traditional doggy style position is all we know how to do. It’s basically a default setting melded into us from porn.

The problem is that traditional doggy, where you’re on your hands and knees with your partner behind you, can be “too much.” This position has even been known to squish the vaginal canal, making it shallower than in other positions – which simply ain’t it for some people.

For some women, femmes, and AFAB peeps, doggy style penetration can smack against the cervix and this causes pain and spotting. If this is the case for you, don’t muscle through it, choose positions that are actually enjoyable for you. This doesn’t mean giving up doggy altogether, it just means altering how you do it.

And I have more tips on this below! So, keep reading — ya sexy bitch.

Communicate with your partner

It’s really important that you let your partner know how you’re feeling. Letting them know when you're in pain will get you on the same page. In fact, studies show that communication is actually the one thing that makes the biggest difference for satisfying sex.

It may seem easier to just “do it” when a partner is really into doggy style, but if you’re not enjoying it, you need to speak up. Otherwise you’ll just wind up resentful. And with an icepack on your cooch.

Try the OhNut

The OhNut is a wearable device to control the depth of penetration of penises or dildos. Originally designed for women and AFAB people who experience pain during penetrative sex, this device is truly revolutionary. The silicone rings are stackable, meaning you can add or take away as many as you want for controlled depth.

This can be super useful in doggy style, which often makes for deeper penetration, which can be uncomfortable for some folx. This toy is super durable, squishy, and comfortable for both the wearer and the wear-ee.

Slow it down

Instead of intense, fast pounding movements, try having a slow and steady flow. Your partner can even bend over your back, giving them access to kiss your neck and rub your clitoris.

Doggy style doesn’t have to be rough, it can be slow and passionate. Give it a chance to be more than what you’ve seen on the ol’ tube sites. Oh, and do not forget the lube!

Also … sidenote! Pay for your porn. The stuff we see on free sites is made for the male-gaze and that can be really unhelpful for your self-esteem and understanding of please. Try feminist porn sites like Erika Lust, PinklabelTV, and FrolicMe. These sites make porn that is both ethically made and for the female-lese. We love that for us, right?

Try flat doggy style

This position works because of the difference in penetration depth. Instead of being on your knees with your back arched, you’re lying flat down, making penetration shallower.

Lie down on the bed, resting your hands under your chin or in a baby cobra position. Keep your legs closed and have your partner lie on top of you, entering you from behind.

For even more comfort (since lying flat can be hard on the lower back) try putting a pillow under your hips. This will give you some extra lift, and take pressure off your spine.

Give spooning a go

Spooning isn’t exactly the same as doggy style; it definitely lacks some of the aggressive, animalistic feeling. What it does have is the same snug feeling of having your partner behind you, with an added feeling of closeness. Plus, it’s not likely to be painful.

Sometimes doggy style just isn’t working for you, and even if you partner loves it, it doesn’t mean you have to do it. This is especially true when it causes you physical discomfort. Give other positions a try and be creative with it. You might find a new favorite.

Remember, you do not have to do this position AT ALL. Not everything works for every body and finding what works for you is about curiosity and good communication. We don’t have to be sexual acrobats who are down for literally whatever. If this turns out to not be your jam, you’re not broken or defective – you just like different shit. And there is nothing wrong with that.

This week’s mantras:

Sex is not about pleasing other people all the time.
Pleasure is the most important thing when it comes to exploring my sexuality.
I will love myself.

I love you. Have a great week!

XOXO Auntie Gigi

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