How to stop faking Os.

Because most of us have been there.

May 19, 2025

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Hey babe,

Faking orgasms is a trial many women and vulva owners deal with. It feels almost universal. Once you start faking it, it’s hard to stop.

Remember that scene from Sex and the City when Miranda runs into a guy she used to sleep with on the running trail?

“Who was that?” Carrie asks.

“Oh. Just someone I used to fake orgasms with,” she replies.

She then goes on to explain that she slept with him, realized it wasn’t going to happen, so she faked it to get the sex over with. The next time she slept with him, she had to fake it because she’d faked it the first time. A story all too familiar.

The way to get out of faking it is through calculated honesty. You have to talk about in a way that that is both straightforward and empathetic to your partner’s needs. You don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but you deserve to have an orgasm. Sex is amazing you deserve to experience to its full potential.

Here is how you stop faking it so you and your partner can have the sex life you’ve always fantasized about during masturbation.

Why so many women and vulva owners are faking it

Most of us aren’t taught what a clitoris is in school, leaving many of us with porn as our main form of sex education. Not to knock porn, as it is highly entertaining, but there is little if any attention paid to the clitoris. There is also an absence of lube, something many of us need to have great sex. There are many other issues with using porn as a frame for real-life sex, but that is an article for another day.

When you’re not taught how your body works (ie: how to touch a clit), it’s easy to fall into step with your partner, pretending to come from jackhammer sex, while you’re really just waiting for this to be over. Depressing right?

On top of that, we don’t know how to ask for what we want. Men are taught to be straightforward about their needs, women are taught to be more coy. We aren’t comfortable in our skin because we don’t know how we want to be touched and aren’t confident enough to ask for it.

Honesty — but make it kind and constructive.

I’m all for being honest with your partner, but you might not want to be harsh about it, you know? So, I’m all for having a conversation about the situation, but try to be kind. We all deserve kindness.

Try weaning yourself off the fake coming noises. That probably isn’t how you come in real life, is it? That porn star bravado is exhausting. You don’t have to be completely silent, but only make a lot of noise if it really does feel good. Use your vocal cues to guide your partner to the right hot spots. Then, go further with your instruction.

Sit down with your partner and suggest exploring each other’s bodies. Let them know you need special attention paid to your clitoris to get to new heights. Guide their hand to your clitoris and move it in a way that gives you pleasure.

You’re welcome to say, “I feel like we have a beautiful relationship and I want you know that I’ve been faking orgasms, but I’d love if we could work on getting me there. Because you’re great in bed, I’m just not getting there at the moment.”

Bring in some toys

Get yourself some sex toys. 2 in 3 women and vulva owners require clitoral stimulation in order to have an orgasm. Be sure you’re doing everything you need to be to get there.

A couple’s sex toy is specially designed to be used during sex. Your partner shouldn’t be intimidated by having a helping hand. Many male-bodied people think their penis should be enough. This is a symptom of toxic masculinity and having no idea how the female body works.

Choose a toy that is non-threatening, small, and a neutral color. You can even get a cock ring with a clit stimulator (if your partner has a cock, or you’re using a dildo). This way you can grind against it to get that needed action while having sex.

Make it about trying something new and kinky rather than your intense need to actually have a real orgasm.

Outercourse over intercourse

Choose some porn you actually enjoy that shows real clit stimulation and body types. Yes, it does exist! Try Erika Lust or PinkLabelTV for porn you can get into and not be scared by.

Spend some time engaging in foreplay. Try some tantric sex positions Give each other a long massage.

Instead of going to straight intercourse, make the entire sexual game about outercourse. Calling it outercourse instead of intercourse takes the pressure off getting to sex and lets you explore your pleasure in new unique ways.

Touch each other, touch yourselves, and watch what each of you enjoys. Life is too short to fake orgasms. No relationship is so far gone that you have to continue faking orgasms for the rest of your life.

Make seeking your orgasm an adventure the two of you can have together. Sex is a practice that should be done regularly. If something isn’t working for you, suggest alternatives. Remember, your partner doesn’t know you’re faking it so he or she needs your help. Ultimately, your orgasm is in your hands (literally).

This week’s mantras:

You deserve peak pleasure.
I am worthy of a healthy and fulfilling sex life.
I will love myself.

I love you. Have a great week!

XOXO Auntie Gigi

~Good ReadsSsSssSsSs~

This breakdown on how open marriages work was very interesting. I always love a good, open-minded explainer. Read more. — POPSUGAR
All kinds of relationship styles exist, but with the rise of open styles and more coverage of them in the media — it has some people wondering: Am I prude if I want to monogamous? Well, of course now! Everyone should do what works for them. This podcast episode exploring this was a great listen. Listen now. — NPR
In the New York Post this week, a journalist asked a divorce lawyer for the 4 biggest relationship mistakes she sees that leads people to divorce. Read more. — THE NEW YORK POST