How have I been in love for 3 years already?
In 2018, a boy I liked slipped into my DMs to flirt, and now we're married.
Hey unicorn babe,
If you’ve ever wondered how my husband and I met and fell in ~love,~ here’s the skinny. 3 years ago, on St. Patrick’s 2018, he slipped into my DMs on Facebook to flirt.
He wasn’t a random stranger (hence the being friends on Facebook). We’d already met in person the previous summer when he came to visit my older brother from Ireland. They were best buds from college. I could get into the weeds about that visit, but it boils down to this:
I was there visiting my family. I was someone else’s girlfriend at the time (and he was present). My future-boyfriend and I both had crushes on each other. I showed my baby, innocent (kind of) crush by being very mean. This is my way. Is it healthy? Probably not, but whatever. Like, we went on my sister-in-law’s boat and when he was swimming and tried to climb back onto the boat, I would lazily push him off with my foot. Repeatedly. He was into it.
A month later, in early September, the absolute dumpster fire that was my breakup with my then boyfriend went down. We’d been having serious issues for a long while, issues I pretended weren’t there until I couldn’t pretend and he couldn’t pretend anymore.
After that, I moved back to Chicago from New York and decided I was finished with serious relationships. That seems to be a common thought-thread after a heartbreak - it’s hard not to put up walls down when you’ve been hurt. I think deep down I was always open to falling in love again, but not until I was in my 40s and had had kids on my own. I was actually super comfortable with the idea of being on my own and adjusted to single life quite quickly. Untangling your life from someone you live with is messy, but it’s not as hard as we’re made out to believe. It blows for a month or so and then it’s over and you can move on with your life.
So, there I was. Forever Single and ready to live my life this way - slutty it up to kingdom come.
My future husband and I started texting 6 months later. We started messaging essentially all day, every day, from Ireland to Chicago. Now, I was talking to plenty of other folx during this time, but somewhere along the lines (lol, it was right away, whatever), I knew this guy was different. I had REAL feelings for him. Luckily, he felt the same way because that would have been hella awkward.
In May 2018, we finally met up in person again. My brother was going to visit friends and I tagged along because I REALLY WANTED TO VISIT IRELAND, OK, AND NOT BECAUSE I WAS MAD CRUSHING ON HIS HOT FRIEND.
The trip was truly dream. A LOT of sex was had. He said he loved me after two days which really should have scared the shit out of me, considering I’m a very anxiously avoidant person, but I was down to clown because he was so hot and cool and great at sex.
He came to visit me later that summer in Chicago/the sticks of Woodstock, IL. All the while, I kept talking to other people and getting my mad flirt on because I was still pretty convinced this relationship probably wouldn’t work out. I mean, he lived in (now) LONDON. How was this going to work?
Where there is a will there is a way, as they say. I remember a particularly tearful phone call to my sister after a trip to London wherein I was freaking out because I realized I was head-over-heels in love with this dude. “I know. Everyone knows. Everyone knew it except for you,” she told me. Firm, but fair.
We officially closed down our relationship and became monogamous on New Years day 2019. I was the one leading the “open relationship” charge and didn’t find out until later that he was basically waiting for me to drop that notion and just be with him because he was IN. He quit his job and went freelance so we could straddle London and Chicago.
In April, he proposed. And three months later we had a backyard wedding at my parent’s house in Woodstock.
Did we move things along quickly because of the whole international-needing-to-move-and-get-visa-stuff-underway thing? Yeah, for sure. Do I have any regrets? Nope.
3 years after we first started talking (and let’s be real, aggressively sexting) and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. We live in London. I cannot get enough of him. This lockdown has sucked for a lot of reasons, but spending time with my best friend (who I get to have sex with) is not one of them.
Listen, forget the idea that you “shouldn’t” be moving into a new relationship right after a breakup. When it comes to love, there are no “shoulds” or “should nots.” There is only being ready for a relationship. And that timeline is different for every single person. Being brave enough to accept love from a grounded place, no matter who has hurt you - that takes real strength.
There you have it. The short version of a very big love. I hope it was a good read.
This week’s mantras:
I deserve love. I am worthy of love.
I will open my heart to love and be prepared to welcome it.
I will love myself.
I love you. Have a great week!
XOXO Auntie G
~Watch this~
~Good ReadsSsSssSsSs~
The 10 Vibrator Types You Should Know About
For Men’s Health this week, I went on one hell of a journey to thoroughly lay out all the different categories of vibrators out there. Vibrators alone have 10 specific categories, all used to distinguish their specific characteristics and uses.
This can be a bit overwhelming. So, I broke all the vibrator types down for you (and added some expert recommendations) to make your sex toy navigation process a little less daunting.
Why Men Cheat
Dr. Alicia Walker has spent years interviewing men in order to gain insight into their reasons for cheating. The findings are incredibly insightful. “Where a lack of sexual satisfaction at home motivates women to seek out affairs, men crave the emotional connection and support their spouse neglects to provide.”
Most of the men Walker interviewed told her that they were deeply in love with their spouses and had no intention of ending their partnerships, but because they felt they lacked emotional supported and validation, cheating seemed like the only option to sate their profound need. I think this is incredibly sad and shows how toxic ideas surrounding traditional masculinity don’t just harm women - they harm men, too. When we don’t make room for our emotions, everyone loses.
Why We Need to Take ‘Bad Sex’ More Seriously
In an edited excerpt from her new book, Tomorrow Sex Will be Good Again: Women and Desire in the Age of Consent, Katherine Angel asks: “Consent has been portrayed as the cure for all the ills of our sexual culture. But what if the injunction to ‘know what you want’ is another form of coercion? A woman’s (presumed) desire – even just once, for one man – makes her vulnerable. Her desire disqualifies her from protection. Once a woman is thought to have said yes to something, she can say no to nothing. ‘Bad sex’ doesn’t have to be assault in order for it to be frightening, shame-inducing, upsetting.’
The Best Sex-Toy Storage, According to Experts
The best sex-toy storage will protect them from gathering dust, and no matter what you put them in, Gigi Engle says should be kept in a cool, dry place because “high heat and moisture can damage your toys over time.” When it comes to accessibility, sex educator Lola Jean recommends “organizing by purpose or usage,” suggesting vibrators and lube might be kept within arm’s reach, while less-used toys can be stored in other places, like under a bed.
Where Is The Clit and What Even Is It?
Did you know that nearly 60% of women (and those raised female) are unable to locate their clitorises on a diagram?
The vast majority of people I work with in my clinic have never even looked at their vulva. We’re just down there with our hands, sex toys, and penises (which is lol), looking for our pleasure points - without even knowing what we’re looking for or what they look like. Here is a guide to the clitoris to get you started on your self-viewing journey. Get a damn hand mirror and look down, boo.
~Ask Gigi~
Ask Gigi: Why Kissing Can Be So Important for Building Intimacy
Kissing produces a chemical reaction in the brain, especially oxytocin, which is the bonding and love chemical. So, kissing someone brings you closer to them, making you feel more intimate. Another study from Sexual and Relationship Therapy provides evidence that kissing frequency is a positive indicator of overall sexual and relationship satisfaction between couples.
That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. Remember that being dehydrated can cause the same symptoms as a panic attack or anxiety. So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed right now, go chug a big glass of water. And have an orgasm as a reward. You deserve it.
