The different kinds of open relationships.
Because, yes, there are lots of different ways to be non-monogamous.
Hey babe,
I’ve had lots of people asking me questions lately about the different kinds of swinging relationships that exist and wondering which one might be the best fit for them. Yes, there are lots of different ways to be open in the lifestyle! It’s not a one-size fits-all gig. So, I did a little roundup of the different kinds of swinging-open relationships.
Keep in mind that this is about being open - with sex, but not romantic/dating relationships. That’s why polyamory isn’t listed here. I’ll write another blog that fully details how to consider polyamory another time because that is a whole, big article. You know?
OK! here we go.
Swinging (or "the lifestyle")
Swingers, as you likely know, are people who have recreational sex with others but don’t necessarily pursue romantic relationships with them.
People use both terms but a lot of people prefer “in the lifestyle” to get away from the idea of swinging as being kind of an old-school term. But others are reclaiming swinging as a term and love using it. It's making a comeback for sure.
While swingers don't form love connections with partners (like poly people), this doesn’t mean that swingers don’t form social connections with their partners. Many swingers function in pair bonds (the couple that is primary who swings together), but a significant portion of swingers also go out on their own in forming social connections within the community.
Soft swap swinging
Most often practiced by couples new to the lifestyle, soft swap generally refers to sex without penetration. How soft swinging plays out is subjective and each couple will determine what is on and off the table. The boundaries should be negotiated ahead of time with everyone involved in the soft swap.
Full swap swinging
On the other end of the spectrum, “full swap” generally means that a couple is into experiencing the full gamut of their sexual practices. Although this usually involves more intense safer sex practices in place with new partner(s) - or partners who also swing with others. All couples in the lifestyle - and everyone, really - should be getting tested regularly for STIs.
BDSM in non-monogamy
Swinging can also involve kink. BDSM is not entirely for the non-monogamists and can present in any relationship form - but in swinging this can also be present. It may involve actual se or it may not - it depends on the context and couple.
Open relationship
The term open-relationship is an umbrella term for the way that most non-monogamous people really function.
This can look like:
polyam folx who require a romantic commitment before any sexual activity
or swingers who don’t even need to exchange names before getting down
This week’s mantras:
There is nothing wrong with living life the way you want and loving the way you want.
No one has a right to judge you. And if they do, don’t hang out with that person anymore. Who even has time for that?
Being polyam or swinging or non-monogamous doesn’t mean there is something wrong with your relationship. That’s just society’s BS.
I love you. Have a great week!
XOXO Auntie Gigi
~Good ReadsSsSssSsSs~
It’s not really a secret that the world is low-key in shambles. We have a very real climate crisis, Covid, wars, and general mayhem. In all of these happenings, the world is having less sex. So, what does this mean? Is this a public health crisis? Because it feels like people are not interested in having sex because we are so damn scared. Read more. - MASHABLE
I really enjoyed Zachary Zane’s, Sexplain It, column this week. A woman comes to him having just found out her husband is bisexual … and how he might want to explore his sexuality without her. These situations can be extremely challenging. Read more. - MEN’S HEALTH
This week’s Slate column broke my heart. I thought it was about a boyfriend getting too much advice from sex advice columns, but it turns out to be a lot darker than some dude who thinks advanced sex positions are the key to the female orgasm. Read more. - SLATE
That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. You’re amazing and deserve to live the most amazing, pleasure-filled life ever.
