No, pain during a-nal s-x isn't normal.
You read that right.
Hey babe,
First of all, Happy Masturbation May! I forgot to send a message with this season’s festive greetings last week. Silly of me. Of course, there is a massive dark cloud descending upon us with the whole Roe fiasco - but we must carry on and fight the good fight.
With that being said, I’d like to chat today about anal and pain.
I think we need to talk about what is and what isn’t “normal” during sex. Pain is never normal. It is common, but it isn’t normal. And this includes anal. Yes, you read that right. Anal sex should NOT be painful.
Let’s discuss.
Anal sex (or penetration of any kind) should never, ever be painful. Yet, a condition can come out of doing it improperly.
Anodyspareunia is a pain condition that affects receivers of anal penetration (and/or anal stimulation of any kind). It is more common than you think.
The word comes from the prefix “ano,” meaning the anus, and “dyspareunia,” which refers to persistent sexual pain. Anodyspareunia is just like vaginal dyspareunia, only with the butt instead of the vagina.
It can happen for a wide variety of complex physical and psychological reasons.
Unfortunately, this condition is not given a lot of time in the sun due to a lack of scientific research. I know this will be shocking, but scientists don’t usually get a lot of funding for anal sex pain research. Who could have guessed!
Here’s the lowdown on anodyspareunia and all of the ways you can help manage it. You’re not alone—and this condition is totally reversible with the correct medical and therapeutic interventions.
What Anodyspareunia Actually Means
Anodyspareunia is a pain condition that affects receivers of anal penetration with a penis, fingers, and/or toys. Pain can also be experienced without penetration, in some cases, either through analingus or other forms of anal stimulation. The experience of anodyspareunia-related pain is very subjective and will vary from person to person.
It is caused by it happens for a LOT of different (and interconnected) reasons.
Some examples include: inadequate amounts of lubrication and advanced levels penetration and/or intense thrusting. There are also psychological factors to consider such as not feeling feeling relaxed enough for penetration, having body confidence issues, or feeling unsafe in any given sexual situation.
It’s actually very similar to vaginal dyspareunia. In fact, they are a bit like fraternal twins: They describe similar pain, but with two different areas of the body. Both anal and vaginal pain share the word “dyspareunia” because both refer to pain with penetration.
Usually, those who experience this condition begin to have sexual wellness issues because they can’t enjoy anal penetration when they would like to. For people who identify as bottoms (or literally anyone else who wants to have a little butt stuff done to them), this can be a really big problem.
How This Condition Manifests: The Physical Causes
We know what it is and know there are biological and psychological reasons for it, but what does that even mean?
Biological (or physiological) factors mean issues that are happening with your body and, in this case, your butthole. These can include “minor injuries caused to the sensitive sphincter muscles inside the anus,” Daniel Boyer, M.D., a specialist in internal medicine and medical research, me that “Anodyspareunic individuals are more likely to experience anal fissure (AF).” This means that tearing and injury occur during anal penetration, which causes damage to the tissue and, thus, pain.
This painfulness can be increased if the receiver is using larger objects for penetration. Basically, sticking large objects in an anus, before said anus is ready for that, can cause pain.
Pain happens for lots of reasons, and every single one of them is due to a lack of anal warm-up and preparation. Usually, a person can develop anodyspareunia when they’ve attempted penetration without proper lubrication, adequate physical arousal, and relaxation. These are all necessary elements of pain-free penetrative sex of all kinds.
How Anodyspareunia Can Manifest Psychologically
This condition is also caused by a host of psychological issues. Some are related to the pain itself, and others are a bit less direct.
Have you ever had a ball thrown near your head and tensed up? This is a natural physiological response to fear. In the same way, when we are afraid of something hurting with penetration, we seize up the pelvic floor, holding tension in our bodies. When we seize these muscles, penetration will be very painful.
That’s like trying to stick a orange through the eye of a needle: It ain’t gonna be pretty, fox.
This is called the cycle of pain. We fear pain, which causes us to tense, which then does cause pain. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Additionally, the tightening of the anal muscles can be linked to many other psychological factors including shame, guilt, anxiety, body insecurities, and much more. None of this is black and white.
How to Manage This Condition
Do not worry, this condition is completely treatable.
It really can be as simple as using a high-quality lubricant and learning to breathe during sex. The anus does not lubricate naturally in the same way a vagina does. Lube is crucial for comfortable penetration. Additionally, relaxation is key. Breathing deeply and releasing the tension in the anus will allow penetration in a more pleasurable way.
If you’re experiencing anodyspareunia, it’s wise to seek the advice of medical professionals. Your doctor can examine you and rule out any physical conditions. If you do have a physical condition, they can offer you proper treatment with medication and creams. Your doctor may also advise you to seek out a qualified psychosexual therapist to address the psychological impacts of the condition.
Having a professional team to help you work through this can be amazing.
Your brain is so powerful and uncomfortable with pain that there can be lingering fear and subsequent pelvic tightening. Working with someone who knows what they’re doing is a surefire way to make a full recovery and reclaim the dazzling sex life you deserve.
How to Avoid Anodyspareunia
We’re all afraid of pain, right? Here are five things to consider:
Get a high-quality lube. Here’s an entire guide for you on the best lubes to use for every kind of sex.
Buy some proper anal sex toys. Using smaller-sized toys can help you manage pain and feel more comfortable allowing objects to be inserted. Check out this guide to sex toys for more information.
Practice mindfulness. Breathing and grounding exercises can be super beneficial to feeling relaxed during anal penetration.
Get checked for sexually transmitted infections. Sexual health is so important to having high-quality sexual experiences, and knowing where you stand can help you feel more comfortable.
Warm up properly before insertion. Take time to warm up your body (with or without a partner). Become fully aroused before ever trying to penetrate an anus. You need to be fully relaxed and ready to rock before going for it.
Remember that pain during sex is not normal and should not be tolerated. All sex should be pleasurable and enjoyable.
This week’s mantras:
I deserve good sex, every single time I have it.
Pleasure is my birthright.
I will love myself.
I love you. Have a great week!
XOXO Auntie Gigi
Part of this newsletter originally appeared on TheBody.
~Good ReadsSsSssSsSs~
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Relationships often make us face discomfort. This might be why some of us have issues getting close to another person. They force us to face certain truths about ourselves that we’d rather not. In this piece from MBG, relational discomfort is explored in a really meaningful way. I enjoyed this read a lot. Read more. - MIND BODY GREEN
That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. You look so cute today. Go do something pleasurable - whatever that may be. Pleasure is what makes life worth living.
