Oral seggs tips you should send to your partner right now.
Because we all deserve a little fun right now.
[This newsletter will always be free to read, but it’s also how I supplement bills and such - which allows me the flexibility to bring you the best possible sex education every week. So, if you like what you read, please consider a paid subscription.]
Hey babe,
The world is a nightmarish place at the moment. How do we exercise power? By having incredible sex. Sexual pleasure is political. And being in control of your pleasure is a powerful thing right now. Own it.
In the spirit of this, here are a bunch of oral sex tips that everyone should know. Get your bag, girl.
Oral sex is a magical experience for women and vulva owning people. For many, it is the primary way in which we orgasm. The issue? So many people don’t know what the heck they are doing down there. It’s not like you heard the word “clitoris” in school. It’s essentially never acknowledged in mainstream pornography. How could you possibly know how to lick and something you’ve never seen?
As a result, learning how to navigate the clitoris and oral sex takes active learning. Luckily, we have all the best info for you right here. You’re welcome, babe.
Encouragement is #1
Women and AFAB folx aren’t openly encouraged to expect or enjoy oral sex. Society tells us to put our partner’s pleasure before our own and to be grateful if he or she ~blesses~ us with oral. Not to mention there is an entire industry devoted to selling us products to “freshen” our vulvas and vaginas because they are inherently “gross.” It’s a crappy deal.
Since these negative attitudes abound, be sure your partner knows how much you want to give them oral sex. Be open about how hot they are and how good they taste. Making them feel comfortable (and sexy) in their body will help them relax.
A relaxed vulva owner is one more likely to experience an orgasm!
Ask what your partner actually likes
Showing interest in what brings your partner pleasure is a huge turn on. Every AFAB person’s body is different and may enjoy being stimulated in a variety of ways. Ask them what they want you to do to them.
It definitely makes for some titillating dirty talk. You are not a mind-reader. Don’t pretend you can see into the oral sex crystal ball. Ask and then do exactly what they say. If they aren’t sure … well, there is plenty of room for experimentation.
Stick to the clitoris
The clitoris is queen. Always and forever. Never forget it. Have it tattooed to your body if need be.
The clitoris is the epicenter of female-bodied pleasure. Ignoring it would be like giving a blowjob and not putting a penis in your mouth. It makes no sense.
The clitoris sits at the top of the inner labia. This is only the part you can see. The entire structure of the clitoris extends back into the walls of the vagina, reaching nearly five inches. The more you know!
If you’re concerned about what to do, stay on the external button. You can use one or two fingers to penetrate the vagina, but don’t smash them inside her willy nilly. Ask your partner if they enjoy penetration during oral sex before trying internal stimulation.
When in doubt, stay consistent
Rhythm, style, and movement. These are important factors during oral sex. I know it can be a bit overwhelming. When in doubt, stick to consistent movement and rhythm. You can try moving up and down over the clitoris, left to right, or in a figure eight motion.
You’ll know you’re doing it right if you listen to their body. Which brings me to the next point ...
Listen to your partner’s body
Pay attention to both verbal and physical cues. If they’re pushing their vulva into your face and moaning, you can be pretty sure what you’re doing is working. If they’re pulling away or dead silent, try something else. You can always ask!
Their body will tell you a lot about how they’re feeling. Don’t just space out and do whatever you think they might like. Be detail oriented.
And remember, if you’re not sure — ask if what you’re doing is working!
Make some noise
This isn’t the movie theatre. Make some noise! This goes along with pre-oral encouragement. When you’re downtown, make noise. Your partner wants to know that you want to be down there. We often get into our heads and think, “Am I taking too long? I wish I could hurry this up and orgasm.”
Moan into their vulva. Let them know you’re a willing and excited participant. You can even take a two second break to tell them how good they taste etc. They’ll appreciate knowing you’re having as good of a time as they are.
Take her to a second orgasm (but be gentle)
Not every woman and AFAB person is multi-orgasmic, but this can still be a super pleasurable tip for one and all. After your partner has an orgasm, don’t let them squirrel away from you — assuming they’re OK with this, of course. Grab them by the hips and keep going. The clitoris may be too sensitive for direct contact right away.
Kiss and nibble their inner thighs. Move in to gently tease their labia with your tongue. After a few minutes, switch to direct clitoral contact again. They may squirm, but if they’ll let you -- start all over again. Nothing is sexier than a partner who wants to make a woman orgasm multiple times.
Pleasure is the measure, folx!
This week’s mantras:
I deserve pleasure.
I deserve orgasms.
I deserve oral sex that blows my socks off.
I will love myself.
I love you. Have a great week!
XOXO Auntie Gigi
~Good ReadsSsSssSsSs~
I contributed to this very thorough and well-written piece about the differences because BDSM and abuse. This is an absolute must-read and will be very helpful if you run into someone who tries to say they are the same thing. You can school their ass! Read more. — THE INDEPENDENT
Girl, when I tell you that it is rare for me to find a sex term I haven’t heard of — LORD, it is rare. So, imagine my surprise when I found this piece on “Intercural Sex.” I was like: Inter-what-now? According to Men’s Health: Also known as thigh sex, “intercrural sex is non-penetrative sex in which the penis is placed between the partner’s thighs and thrusts to achieve pleasure and/or an orgasm,” explains Lee Phillips, Ed.D., a psychotherapist and certified sex and couple's therapist. OK. So we have all probably heard of this to some degree, but you should read this explainer because it really breaks it all down. Read more. — MEN’S HEALTH
This Cosmo CONFESSAY on getting railed on a paddle board was literally amazing. If you want a saucy read today, this is it. Read more. — COSMO
Weekly LOL
Relaxing family fun.
That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you.
