I asked experts to help me break down the myth of '9orn addiction"
Because, yeah, it might be a popular term but it is BS.
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Hey babe,
It’s best just to be frank: Porn is not addictive, it does not melt your brain, and it isn’t some evil entity that ruins people’s lives. I asked some of the world’s leading experts to help me unpick this thorny topic for you.
Why are we so obsessed with blaming porn for so much that’s wrong with society? In short: Because we’re a sex-negative society and our sex-education system is an absolute dumpster fire.
David Ley, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of The Myth of Sex Addiction, told me in an interview that we’re still talking about “porn addiction” even though it’s not a medically recognized diagnosis because “porn is a sexy, shiny object that distracts us from talking about our social issues around neglecting sexual education and sexual health, or religious shame towards sex.” The work of Joshua Grubbs, Ph.D., a leading researcher on the subject, confirms this, finding that more religious people are likely to consider themselves “addicted” to porn, regardless of the actual amount of porn they use.
It’s how we feel about our porn use, not the porn itself, that is the greatest predictor of someone thinking they have a “porn addiction.” Using the term “porn addiction” takes away the agency of the individual, instead placing blame on the porn itself. Without having to interrogate our own feelings and behaviors in relation to erotic content, we can avoid taking any responsibility.
Another major driver behind the porn addiction infrastructure? Money. Nicole Prause, Ph.D., a neuroscientist and leading researcher in the area of porn, told me via email that there is a massive market to be exploited if we can create “treatment” around porn addiction. “These marketers spread false medical information about pornography in the hopes of selling their ‘treatments’ to the public, creating a flood of inaccurate information that pornography is addictive,” says Prause.
Silva Neves, an accredited psychosexual and relationship psychotherapist and author of Compulsive Sexual Behaviors, told me that “porn addiction” studies cherry-pick information, supporting the anti-porn agenda of the “researchers.” These “studies” are often conducted using small sample sizes and poor data-collection methods. They often take to “showing scans of brains, talking about dopamine to sound scientific, but largely [they are] sharing misinformation,” he says.
What’s more, the whole concept of porn addiction has very negative implications for the queer community. Within the porn addiction model, watching gay and queer content is considered an escalation. As in, if you’re watching queer porn, you’re more addicted and out of control. This, of course, is utterly ridiculous. If you’re watching porn that aligns with your desires and sexuality, nothing about that is an “escalation.”
Here are 4 truths about “porn addiction” to combat the myths. Let’s break them down so we can all have a better understanding of what’s going on here and how we can learn to accept ourselves just a little bit more.
1. Porn is absolutely not a ‘public health crisis.’
“There are many specific elements that must be present to consider something a public health crisis, and pornography is not close to qualifying for any published definition of a health crisis,” Prause says.
According to the Boston University School of Public Health, pornography does not meet the Oxford Handbook of Public Health Practice definition of a public health crisis because it does not “‘directly or imminently’ lead to death, disease, property destruction, or population displacement; and it does not overwhelm local health systems.”
Judging porn by these standards is wildly inaccurate. Prause says that anti-porn folks use health language to create the appearance of “evidence of support for their extremist positions.”
Neves adds that when anti-porn influencers use “science-y” language, it’s designed to muddy the waters and manipulate the public. “This is a worry because the public will believe, and become confused, with those promoting the fear of porn with scientific words,” he says.
2. Watching gay porn is definitely NOT an ‘escalation of addictive behaviors.’
“‘Porn addiction’ appears to be the latest method for pathologizing the gay community, and claimed treatments for porn addiction appear to have negative effects similar to anti-gay therapy,” Prause says.
Watching queer content is considered to be a sign that your “porn addiction” is progressing and becoming more out of control. This idea is saying that being queer and watching content that aligns with your identity means there is something wrong with you.
Neves says that gay porn is actually quite helpful for queer people. It can be a place to find well-being and comfort in a homophobic world. It’s a place to find community and see sex acts that you might not otherwise have access to.
Those who believe in porn addiction are doing great harm to these communities. “Making these populations believe that they have a disease because they watch porn and tell[ing] them that they’re ‘porn addicts’ is harmful and shaming to them,” Neves adds.
Being queer is not a mental health issue. It is a valid sexual identity.
3. Porn is not ruining relationships.
“Fear is a powerful emotion, and when there are so many fear-mongering narratives around porn, it is easy for people to become anti-porn or to start to worry about their partner watching it,” Neves says.
Porn does not ruin relationships—insecurity around porn-watching is what causes relationship problems. We need to see the difference here. Just because a partner is uncomfortable with their partner’s porn use doesn’t make porn addictive. We can’t call something addictive just because our values don’t align with it.
Ley says that what is usually going on is something deeper: a desire discrepancy issue between partners. “In couples where one partner wants less sex, the higher-desired partner often watches porn and masturbates to compensate for decreased sex,” he tells us. “Often then, there can be conflict that centers on the porn and blames it for relationship conflict.”
The porn is not the problem—the desire issues are the problem. By blaming porn, we don’t deal with the root causes of relationship conflict and, therefore, never solve them.
4. Porn-induced ED is a myth.
The “porn causes ED” narrative is very popular with the media. It’s even been propagated by some high-profile names (which is deeply troubling).
Yet, this claim isn’t accurate and has been widely debunked by experts. “The claim that porn causes ED is an effective way of creating male sexual insecurity but ignores the research, which finds that ED in such men is driven by anxiety and sexual shame, not by porn,” Ley says. “Men with more anxiety and shame experience more sexual dysfunction during partnered sex compared to masturbation, and that’s normal. It really has little to do with the porn.”
What to do if you think you have a problematic relationship with porn.
To create a more sex-positive and joyful world, we have to stop spreading misinformation and shame-based education. Yes, porn use can have detrimental effects on some people’s lives, but this is linked to compulsive sexual behaviors, not addiction. If you feel “addicted” to porn, it’s worth wondering why you feel this way and endeavoring to identify the root causes for this distress.
Is it shame? Is it because it’s causing relationship problems? What lies underneath the porn use is the answer.
Seek out professionals who use emotion-focused therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy in their work. Look for therapists who do not use the word “addiction” regarding porn. But, if if I’m being totally honest, it’s quite likely that through therapy with a sex-positive professional, you’re going to learn that your porn use is really fine.
Blaming adult entertainment will not fix society’s larger problems. It won’t fix the way you feel about yourself. But you can do the work to learn more about yourself and feel better.
This week’s mantras:
Sex is not shameful.
Watching porn is not shameful.
You deserve to have a sexual relationship with yourself, regardless of you relationship status.
I love you. Have a great week!
XOXO Auntie Gigi
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That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. You’re a shining star and you deserve to have the most wonderful sex life, free of shame.
Stumbled across this piece on notes...super interesting. Thank you!