Is there a power imbalance in all relationships?
Complicated is the game of love.
Hey babe,
How are you today? Feeling alright? I know it’s been a rough couple of weeks given the mass shootings, Covid’s continued rampage, and fatigue. But you’re hanging in there and I’m proud of you.
I’ve been mulling over power imbalances in relationships this week. Can a relationship ever be truly equal?
There is rarely complete equality in relationships. Whether it’s with a friend, a coworker, or a lover, it’s often normal that one person in the relationship has more power than the other.
When it comes to romantic partnerships (or triads, quads, etc.), this inequity can show itself in many forms and isn’t always limited to one partner being completely empowered and the other being controlled. Sometimes, one partner holds power over another in one way, and another person holds power in a different way. Whatever your situation is, it’s unlikely that you both hold the exact same cards when playing the game of love.
Maybe your partner is more financially stable than you; maybe you’re the one who has more say in social plans (like where you go to dinner or which friends you go out with); maybe you hold control over your partner emotionally, but they are the one who dictates your sex life. These imbalances are not always bad, and they don’t mean your relationship is doomed to fail. Keeping it afloat takes mindfulness and staying aware of all aspects of your relationship.
These relational nuances are worth interrogating. It can hard to recognize power imbalance when you’re really “in it,” you know? It’s something I’ve been wondering about a lot both in my clinic, in my advice column, and with every other relationship I’m privy to in my personal life.
If you’re interested in learning more about this topic - and how power imbalances can begin to have sinister implications - check out my deep dive into this topic on TheBody.
This mantras:
I am only in control of my own choices.
I deserve respect, love, and humanity.
I will love myself.
I love you. Have a great week!
XOXO Auntie G
~Check this out~
Zuri Hall talks to Sex Expert Gigi Engle about the G spot (and other sexy spots); why so many people are saying NO to hook-up culture and embracing celibacy; and how to have great phone sex (minus the awkward vibes...bc, yeah. it can get awk.).
~Good ReadsSsSssSsSs~
THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER WRITTEN:
Welcome to the Very Real World of Alien Egg Implantation Fetishes
Behold: My magnum opus. For InsideHook, I explored the very thrilling world of alien dildos and it got weird AF. These dildos, which can be found at Primal Hardwere, are called “Ovipositors” and come with such delightful names as “Bork,” “Blip” and “Splorch.”
As it turns out, this is a fetish that really is taking off, but what might one who is so inclined actually use these eggs for?
Implantation. Egg implantation.
Why Younger People Aren’t Using Protection
This has been a question so many people in the sexuality profession have been asking for years. A recent survey conducted by sexual wellness brand Skyn found that 27 percent of people reported never using a condom; and non-college grads were less likely than other groups to use condoms, with half noting they do so infrequently.
What gives?
Does Personal Growth Benefit a Relationship?
It feels like the easy answer would be '“yes,” right? You’re healing, improving, and feeling better. That’s good, correct?
It’s actually not so simple. As I tell clients, when they join me in therapy or coaching, bettering themselves and growing into more self-aware humans, a schism can start to arise in their intimate partner relationships.
When one person begins to change while the other person stays the same, problems can arise. My opinion? Both people should be in therapy so that change can occur in tandem. Make it even better and have a couple’s therapist you see together.
Hell Hath No Fury Like a Man Rejected
Jessica Valenti’s newsletter last week explored the ways in which women are made to feel responsible for what happens when we reject men - responsible for their rage and the harm that far too often befalls us.
We’re told follow the rules, but the rules won’t protect us.
Anger from rejected men is such a regular part of women’s lives that many of us have strategies to preempt any nastiness: We invent boyfriends, wear fake engagement rings or give out fake phone numbers. We smile and act flattered, are polite when we don’t want to be, and leave relationships saying that it’s all our fault—anything to prevent a potential swell of rage.
Because we know that rejected men are dangerous men. Maybe he’ll release revenge porn after a break-up, or engage in workplace retaliation after denying unwanted advances. Or maybe the worst will happen.
~Ask Gigi~
Ask Gigi: The Pandemic Will Change How We Think Of Sex Toys Forever
This has been year of sexual limitation, but also sexual exploration. Buying sex toys is a fantastic way to explore sexuality (partnered or solo), without taking risks to your health. We're living in unprecedented times and it seems to have given people permission to explore their sexualities in ways they may not have felt were possible before.
That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. Don’t forget to be gentle with yourself. Have a bath, drink a glass of wine, take deep breaths. You’re going to make it through. I promise.
