Taking harsh feedback.
Maybe we could all do with fewer "yes people" in our circle.
Hey unicorn,
Yesterday I cried a lot and had a panic attack after speaking with one of my many mentors. She was very blunt with me. I got emotional in the moment and cried during the meeting. It was kind of embarrassing, but honestly, I couldn’t have helped it. Because it hit a nerve. She gave me some pretty honest feedback. It wasn’t exactly “harsh" - it was firm, but fair. I’ve come a long way in my personal development to be able to internalize feedback that can be difficult to hear, but is necessary for growth.
Back in the day (honestly, not that long ago), I’d have said “fuck that! She doesn’t get it.” But actually, this was because I wasn’t fully understanding myself and wasn’t tuned in to how I can be in real life with people.
Being a “media personality” (I’m putting my pinky to the corner of my mouth and saying that with a posh British accent, for reference), means constantly being “on.” It means being a larger-than-life version of yourself. Somewhere along the line, there was a rift between Public Gigi and Real Gigi. Public Gigi is an expert on all things. She is BIG. And in certain contexts, it’s appropriate and needed, if I’m on camera, for instance. It’s performing. Where I seem to have found myself is being unable to turn it “off.”
The reason I cried after this meeting? I’m not used to being told negative things. I know this sounds kind of strange coming from a professional writer. Editors take me to town basically weekly, but, for the most part, I receive mostly positive feedback. And what I’ve realized is that when I get a lot of edits, I only experience surface level emotions. Every editor is different. This just wasn’t their style. I can make these changes.
And then I make the changes and move on. There’s always another article, another deadline, another project. I don’t have time to dwell on the fact that Jeremy didn’t like pieces of my article on shower sex because I need to go write about sex ed and adulthood trauma for Beth.
A lot of writers take criticism really personally, but I don’t. I think it’s probably because I’m so used to it at this point that if I were to have a breakdown every time someone didn’t like my writing, I wouldn’t be able to be a writer. In my writing, I can be authentic and I truly value that as a part of my job. But I also have to make it “FUN” and digestible. I need to make it readable and entertaining for the reader.
Public Gigi & Real Gigi are in my writing. Real Gigi is in the therapy room. Public Gigi is on set and IG Live. Public & Real Gigi are in the classroom. It’s confusing, draining, and I need to get myself sorted. Public Gigi is part of me, but in what ways do I need to reel it the fuck in and be a normal, human person and not a cartoon?
In this instance with my mentor, we were talking about the way I interact with classmates in school. For the most part, I can be myself, but not always. In school, it feels like I’m on stage. Like I’m being Public Gigi in front of everyone. This astute observation is something that is going to follow me for a long time. It’s something I’ve known for a long while - Public Gigi or Fun Gigi - she’s a mask. It’s a way to escape being my authentic self because I’m afraid people won’t like me. But they will. I’m funny and I know my material. I’m a cool person. And Real Gigi is a lot less intense.
Real Gigi is who I am in the therapy room and with my close friends. I believe that I show up as myself with my clients. And my aim is to work hard to make that evident in all aspects of this work.
I need to suss out those parts and learn to use my skills to know when it’s appropriate to be “Fun Gigi”, and when it’s important to be my authentic, real self in the therapy space.
The point I’m making in all of this: We need to be willing to take feedback and to surround ourselves with people, friends, and mentors who are willing to give that feedback. We need it to grow. Being surrounded by “yes people” turns you into the very worst version of yourself - someone who stays stuck and thinks they’re always right.
We are never fixed. We are always growing. From an existential standpoint, we have different parts of our selves. It can be hard to bring them together to find the real, most authentic you. But you will.
This week’s mantras:
I am enough.
I do not need to perform outside of real performances because life is not a performance.
I will love myself.
I love you. Have a great week.
XOXO Auntie G
~Good ReadsSsSssSsSs~
Is Edging Safe for Penises?
For Giddy, I explored edging this week and what it means for male and penis-owners’ sexual health.If you’re unfamiliar, the technique of edging is when a penis is stimulated until the very brink of climax and—right before ejaculation—the stimulation stops. Once you’ve returned to a state of lessened or non-arousal, you start the stimulation all over again. You repeat this until you either can’t hold back any longer or you’ve consciously decided to step over the “edge” and have an orgasm.
Should You Really Lie About Why You’re Breaking Up With Someone?
We’ve all heard it before, right?
“You’re so great, but I just can’t handle you.”
”I just can’t be what you need right now.”
”I don’t feel like I’m good enough for you.”
”I love you, but you’re just too much.”
You know, something along those lines. I suppose it’s meant to soften the blow, to make the hurt easier, to make us feel better about ourselves. But Annie Lord argues that these lines are lies. That they’re manipulative ways to get out of relationships while casting yourself in the best possible light. Do we deserve the real, honest truth about why we’re being left or is it easier to accept the convenient BS?
Celebrating International Women’s Day With The Top 5 Sex Educators
I made it into this super elite roundup of sex educators on FrolicMe and it made me feel SO COOL.
Feminist, sex educator, sexologist, Gigi is completely unafraid to tell it like it is. No nonsense sex talk with a focus on getting what you deserve in bed, Gigi brings us vibrant words, hot takes and a sassy attitude to match.
Debunking Myths About The Vagina and Vulva
Y’all know I get mad horny for all articles that debunk patriarchal bullshit around the vulva and vagina. This piece was very succinct and I found myself nodding along through the entire thing. Education is power, unicorns.
~Ask Gigi~
Ask Gigi: Is The G-Spot Real?
“G-spot” is a nice, simple way of explaining a not so simple thing. “Spot” simply doesn’t do it justice because it's an area. While there is still research being done and new information is still coming to light, we have gotten a pretty clear view of what the G-spot really is. Namely, that it is not a spot, it is an area - the internal clitoris, urethral sponge, and the Skene's Glands (and more probably).
That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. Remember to do your face routine instead of texting your ex. Smoke a bowl, watch that Harry and Meghan interview because wowza, and do you thing. Self-care, baby.
