The 10 Golden Rules for Keeping Seggs Hot in Longterm Relationships
You know I've got the goods when it comes to keeping it hot for the rest of forever.
[This newsletter will always be free to read, but it’s also how I supplement bills and such - which allows me the flexibility to bring you the best possible sex education every week. So, if you like what you read, please consider a paid subscription.]
Hey babe,
I got an email last week asking me for some tips on how to keep sex hot in a long-term relationship. My gorgeous reader is about to get married and, though her sex life is great, she wants to know how to keep it great.
What a great question, huh? Well, I am here with the golden rules, baby!
It’s easy to say there are “golden rules” to keep your sex life in check – especially in long-term monogamous relationships – but the truth is - it actually is that simple. Who knew?
We have to keep reminding our partners that they are sexy and hot. Don’t take each other for granted. You are both individual people with agency and that means living with the anxiety that their love is not guaranteed. We have to earn our partners every single day.
If you keep track of your relationship and make a conscious effort to keep things smokin’, you’ll have an advantage. Couples who give weight to their sex lives have better relationships and marriages. When we make our sexual relationship a priority, we’re much better equipped to keep it going.
There are few guidelines to follow that will help you maintain a HOT AF sex life for the rest of your lives. After all, if it’s “death do us part” it better be a wild ride, right?
Here are my 10 golden rules to keep your sex life spicy in long-term partnerships.
1. Pause for a make-out sesh
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married (or together) for five minutes or five years, never ever stop making out. I’m definitely not just talking about a goodbye kiss or a peck here and there. Stop on the street corner and have a full blown make out session. Get a little hot and heavy, PG13 in the laundry room.
And if you’re worried about what people think – let it go. You’re showing your affection for one another and that is a beautiful thing.
Making out helps keep that romance factor alive. It reminds your partner how much you love them. And obviously how much you enjoy having sex with them, too.
2. Foreplay is always play
Foreplay should really be called “always-play.” It honestly shouldn't be optional and should have a regular part in your sex routine, not just a cameo on special occasions. If your vagina is not properly lubricated and your vulva isn’t properly aroused, sex is not going to be as fun. It might even hurt.
When you start associating sex with dissatisfaction, you’re not going to want to have it as often. We simply do not want to do things that we don’t enjoy. That’s the end of desire right there. Commit to doing things to your partner that your partner enjoys – and visa versa. The more GOOD sex you have, the more you’ll want.
3. Stay on a sex routine
Life gets busy. This is just a fact. Don’t let sex take a back seat just because you have a million things to do. If you’ve noticed you’re not having as much sex, set up a schedule. Maintenance sex is important for LTRs.
It keeps you and your partner feeling close. Now, let me be clear. When I say “sex” I do not mean the old PIV sex – 5 pumps and we’re done. I mean any kind of intimacy that makes you feel close as sexual beings. This could be cuddling naked, oral sex, giving each other a massage, and so much more. A sex routine is about exploring with each other and taking devoted time to cultivate intimacy.
4. Masturbate for all time
Despite what you may have heard, masturbation does have a place in long-term relationships. Masturbation is not cheating on your partner. I know some people find that controversial, but the sexual relationship you have with yourself is yours and yours alone. We are not entitled to police our partner’s erotic mind or their self-touch. Sorry!
When you engage in self-love, you keep your nerve endings peaked, making you more likely to want partnered sex. I know, a little counterintuitive. But science proves this shit. And you should always trust your Auntie G.
You can also try mutual masturbation. It’s as easy as it sounds. You and your partner lie next to each other and get yourselves off. It’s hot to watch your partner touch themselves and when you’re too tired for full blown sex, it’s a good alternative. As another option, you can touch yourself while you and your partner makeout or they play with your nipples etc. and then you can switch turns. Whatever works for you is perfect.
5. Devote yourself to the clitoris
Obviously this one is for the AFAB babes. The clitoris is queen. You must live and die by the clitoris. The vast majority of women and AFAB folx cannot have an orgasm through P in the V sex alone so, the clit needs special attention. There are lots of ways to involve the clitoris in sex, whether it be with fingers, tongue or a toy. If you don’t know what brings you pleasure – it’s not like a partner is going to have the magic answers.
6. Check in with your partner
Communication is the foundation of healthy relationships and a good sex life. Ask your partner how they’re feeling about your sex life. Is there anything you can do to make things better for them? Something you can try? Is there something they want more or less of? What’s a fantasy they’ve always had? Perhaps a wee kink?
Likewise, voice your desires and concerns. Staying silent will only cause strain. Make sure everyone is getting what they want out of your romps in the sack.
7. Sext – and do it often!
Sexting is not just for the early stages of dating. Sexting is virtual foreplay that keeps couples engaged. It’s 2025, time to get with the times. I’m not just talking about sexting-sexting. I’m also talking about dirty talk, straight up sexy flirting, etc.
When we sext we actually begin the desire process. It gets your mind in the frame of intimacy – which can enhance desire. Commit to keeping that sexting spicy and your desire for each other has a much stronger chance of staying strong.
Obviously, how you sext will be totally dependent on what you’re into. It could be flirty texts, full on fantasy scenarios, emojis, or exchanging saucy pictures. Get creative. It’s about having fun!
8. Feel each other up outside of the bedroom
Touch your partner. Every couple has their own style. Is your partner alright with an ass-grab in the kitchen? Go for it. Slip your hand around your partner’s waist while walking down the street. Place a palm on his or her chest at a party. Run a hand up their thigh in a movie theatre.
Often small physical acts of intimacy build sexual tension even better than dirty talk … Which you can make manifest in the bedroom later. Or not. Touch is still important.
CAVEAT! Often couples in long term relationships will stop touching like this because the lower desire partner will think that this always has to lead to sex. Openly communicate about TAKING THE PRESSURE OFF. Being able to build a sexual fire between the two of requires being able to have intimate touch without the pressure for sex.
And, weirdly enough, when you take the pressure off – you’re way more likely to be open to sex on a more regular basis.
9. Try something new (and maybe a little weird)
Don’t be afraid to change up the routine. Have you always wanted to give role play a go? Make it happen. Been interested in handcuffs and spanking? Give it a whirl. Pegging sounds cool? Peg away!
In long-term relationships, sex can get stale if you don’t maintain eroticism. Despite what movies may lead you to believe about finding “The One” or what your mother told you about “sex losing its importance” -- sex does not lose its importance. Be a champ and try new things into your nineties.
But, another little nuanced thing here – it’s always OK to stick to sex you like, if everyone is enjoying the sex you’re having. If doing the same thing makes you happy, that’s also totally OK. Communicate and be sure you’re both in alignment!
10. Remind your partner how sexy they are
Now, no matter how stressed out you are with life, your partner, your job, or your kids - don’t forget to remind the person you love that they are SEXY as HELL.
It may seem frivolous, but it is not. And it takes, like, five seconds to tell someone they’re hot in those pants. If your partner feels desirable, they are going to be more receptive to sex. Getting an ego boost is something we all need. Plus, it builds trust and love between you.
And here is a bonus 11th rule: Don’t stop dating your partner!
Like I said in the beginning of this newsletter, we have to earn our partner every single day. This means committing to being the best partner you can be, not taking each other for granted, and continuing to have adventures and dates forever. It PAYS off to appreciate and be appreciated.
Stay connected, stay sexy.
This week’s mantras:
Sex stays hot when we make it a priority.
I deserve pleasure.
I will love myself.
I love you. Have a great week!
XOXO Auntie Gigi
Part of this newsletter originally appeared on Mashable.
~Good ReadsSsSssSsSs~
I saw babygirl and, honestly, it was just OK and the depiction of D/s dynamics were extremely off-base. I really liked this Cosmo piece that breaks down why it sucked so much ass. Read more. - COSMO
I loved this piece on ‘twinks’ by Philip Ellis. It’s a really great explainer and really helps to shed light on some of the terms gay men use to categorize themselves and others. It was definitely a fun read — and educational, too! Read more. - MEN’S HEALTH
Ever heard of the Seven Year Itch? This is the idea that after about 7 years of being married (or together) you start to get bored and want to have sex with other people. Why seven years? I’m not totally sure. But, is there any merit to this idea? I really liked this piece that unpacked this legend and really laid out how you and a partner can keep the spark alive for the longterm. Read more. - THE CLEVELAND SCENE
Weekly LOL
It’s called creativity, henny, look it up.
That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you.
