Let's talk about the importance of @nal foreplay.

Because it's just as important as the "main event."

Apr 07, 2025

[This newsletter will always be free to read, but it’s also how I supplement bills and such - which allows me the flexibility to bring you the best possible sex education every week. So, if you like what you read, please consider a paid subscription.]

Hey babe,

A few weeks ago I gave you my best anal tips – but we’ve got to have a chat about anal foreplay because when it comes to all things anal, we need to learn how to do the prep. Many of my tips did mention this, but I figured a whole newsletter centered on the warm-up could be useful.

Anal sex is not like regular P in the V penetration. The vagina naturally lubricates (thought you should still use additional lubricant), the anus does not. The butt is full of taut muscles that aren’t necessarily primed for being entered on a whim.

You’ve got to work up to it. Anal play is a way for people to expand their sexual menu, but the thing to remember is pace. There is no such thing as taking things too slowly or using too much lube.

Truthfully, when it comes to anything butt-related, we tend to get a little bit peevish on the by and large.

There are a few pervasive reasons for this (however wrong they may be): No one wants to be in pain from putting something up their butts (hence the need for foreplay), female-bodied people are widely (and incorrectly) told they won’t enjoy anal penetration, and of course, the poop thing.

Clearly talking about and practicing anal sex is just now making its way into the mainstream and therefore, we missed the memo on anal foreplay. Don’t worry. I’ve got the skinny on everything pre-anal right here. Here is absolutely everything you need to know about anal foreplay.

Start with smaller things

Working the butt up to a penis or dildo takes some diligence. You guessed it! Butt plugs. When you’re at the forefront of buttplay, don’t buy ginormous buttplugs. You will not be able to just shove a dildo or plug up your anus willy nilly.

Try the Doc Johnson X Kink.com Ace plug or the Tantus Perfect Butt Plug to start. For beginners, the smaller the better. After you’ve gotten used to petite plugs, you can move up to more aggressive sizes. You can even buy plugs in packs of three sizes like this one.

Don’t forget that the toys you should use should be designed specifically for anal play. Toys for anal play have either a flared or ringed base, preventing it from disappearing up the rectum. Trust us, you do not want that.

Lube is everything, always

Lube is an absolute must when it comes to all things ass-related, from foreplay to full-on anal sex. You need lube because the butt does not self-lubricate. Anal foreplay is needed for all the same reasons it’s needed in other kinds of sex. We need to be aroused, relaxed, and ready.

Lube is the barrier that prevents this pain or tearing. You can never have too much lube. Load it on there and keep applying if things get dry during play.

Silicone lubes are easiest for anal, as they stay on longer than water-based. The problem is that silicone lube can damage your silicon butt toys. Major bummer (pun intended).

Stick with silicone/water hybrid like Babeland Silk, Uberlube, or Sliquid Silk.

Watch anal porn

Porn is a fantasy and doesn’t always depict particularly accurate representations of anal sex, but it can serve as general inspiration. It allows you to consider different positions, different angles, and different ways of doing it that you just might have thought of before.

It acts as a part of your foreplay, a way to turn you on and gear you up for the IRL anal play to come. Getting aroused is a key element for enjoying the experience.

Anal massaging

Use your toy or fingers to gently massage the anus. This will help loosen the muscles, making them more receptive. Penetrate slowly. Gage your partner’s reaction to everything you’re doing. Listen to what is being said.

You can try circling the anus, moving your fingers up and down over the opening, or even some gentle pressure without penetration. Penetration is, of course, ok to do – but don’t forget to take it slow. Fingers can be a fabulous tool for just starting out.

When done correctly butt-play isn’t painful. If it hurts, back up and try something less intense like rimming or anal fingering. A massage of the anus can really help your partner relax and feel ready for more.

Slow everything down

You want to work up to anal sex cautiously. Everyone should feel comfortable. It’s a nice slow buildup, not a quick sprint.

And don’t forget that if you’re interested in penetrating someone anally, you should at least be open to trying it yourself. When we know how it feels to experience something, we set ourselves up for giving better experiences to our partners. Plus, it can actually feel completely amazing for penis owners, too. So, get all up in there!

The person being penetrated should be in control

Lastly, something to remember and take with you:

A common misunderstanding about buttplay is that the top (ie: the person doing the penetrating) is in control. This is not the case. The bottom should be the one directing the level and intensity of penetration.

OK, folx, there you have it. Hope you have the best time ever!

This week’s mantras:

Anal is for everyone, with every kind of anatomy.
The journey is just as important as the destination.
I will love myself.

I love you. Have a great week!

XOXO Auntie Gigi

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