What's stopping you from being your best s*xual self?

There's no time like the present to get down, dirty, and weird with it.

Hey unicorn babe,

I hope your week is off to a good start and it’s full of promise and wonder. It’s a strange time we’re living in. Finally, there is hope ahead. Everyone in the US is eligible to be vaccinated, we saw an unprecedented win for the BIPOC community last week, and perhaps it’s a bit naive (and being white, I do recognize my privilege in being able to say this), but I have real hope for the future of the world and for humanity.

So, to keep things sexy and feminist (that’s why you guys come around here, right?), I thought I’d ask you a question: What’s stopping you from being your best sexual self?

When I ask a question like this, my inbox and DMs are flooded with queries. People are inquisitive and they ask questions (provided I assure them that their queries are anonymous, because god forbid Aunt Susan found out you, like, enjoyed pleasure). When clients come to me, they’re always after a better, more fulfilling sex life. This may seem like a given. Why go to a sex coach unless want better sex?

We begin at another nearly universal hurdle. In fact, it’s an obstacle that I’ve come to anticipate as the foundational step in my work with people: Where do you start?

The thing is, it’s not as complicated as you think it is. Having amazing sex isn’t about trying every back-breaking sex move the internet invents. Nor is about having a specific set of skills.

Good sex comes out of knowing yourself, knowing what you want in bed, being able to communicate those needs, and engaging in curious exploration with a partner (or by yourself).

Here are 3 things to consider:

1. Let go of shame.

   It’s time to let go of those negative messages around sex, the ones that have stopped you from exploring for who knows how long - but too long.

2. Get to know your body.

   Masturbate, masturbate, masturbate. I will shout this from the rooftops until I am blue in the face. We should all become masturbation Evangelists because that is the only way to knock out shame and figure out what the hell we actually like.

3. Communicate.

   This may be the most challenging step there is. Talking to your partner about what you want is scary. It’s difficult to be so vulnerable. Trust me, you’re not alone. You may be afraid of offending your partner by asking for what you want, but it’s the only way to get that vibrant, glorious sex life you crave. So be bold.

Sexual curiosity will always be your friend. Being curious about pleasure, orgasm, new toys, and everything that makes us glorious, messy, wonderful humans - that’s the stuff of a full life. We have an opportunity to move forward in this world - a slightly newer world - where we can find ourselves, express ourselves, and celebrate everything pleasurable. We can claim out pleasure. We can find our true sexual selves.

Will you go find yourself? I’ll be here to guide you.

This week’s mantras:

1. The messages of shame around sex are human creations.

2. I am worthy of and deserve pleasure.

3. My body is mine alone and it is perfect.

4. I will love myself.

I love you. Have a great week.
XOXO Auntie Gigi

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~Ask Gigi~

Ask Gigi: How to Role Play Like A True Pro

First of all, we need to do away with the idea that role playing won’t be awkward or embarrassing. It probably WILL be, especially the first (few) times. I mean, seriously, what about sex doesn’t come with some silliness? We all have to take the pressure off and realize that we’re awkward, freaky, perverts just trying to figure this whole sex thing out by trial and error. 

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~Good ReadsSsSssSsSs~

How to Expand Your Sexual Pleasure Potential

Dr. Nan Wise explores the ways in which couples can really up the ante in their pleasurable experiences. The key? Stop focusing so much on orgasms and more on the pleasure itself. When we get into a cycle of needing to “achieve” something, it places pressure on everyone involved. And that’s not really pleasurable for everyone.

Orgasms Can Help With Anxiety — Here’s How

For TheBody, I went on a little journey into anxiety and pleasure - and where they intersect. We’re able to give orgasms to ourselves, both manually and with tools, like sex toys. For this reason, Julieta Chiaramonte, a sex blogger and sex toy expert, tells TheBody, “Many professionals are recommending sexual stimulation and orgasm (if possible) to combat anxiety and oncoming panic attacks.”

What’s So Scary About Detransitioning?

`I found this piece extremely interesting and eye-opening. Gender and the exploration as such is not a straightforward process for many. Nuance is needed.

Gender exploration is a process, and not everyone’s process looks the same. The problem is that mainstream, cis-written narratives often erase that nuance so as to cast transition as a medical catastrophe and trans people themselves as deluded, foolish, and disgusting.

Five Myths About Vaginal Tightness

For Dame, I took a deep-dive into one of the many sexual myths that still holds us by the collective throat: Vaginal tightness. My darlings, vaginas do not get “looser” from sex. They don’t get looser from anything other than gravity, the only thing that can—quite literally—drag them down. Like all muscles in the body, the vagina loses the strength and elasticity of its youth. I’m not screwing around here. 

The Crusade Against Pornhub Is Going to Get Someone Killed

This piece on the ways Pornhub’s cracking down on content should be a must read for everyone. Why? `Because this shit is getting scary and dangerous.

Posts by extremists viewed by Motherboard use these anti-trafficking organizations' branding and language. More importantly, they agree with the substance of the ideologies that these anti-trafficking organizations peddle—that all sex work is trafficking, that the porn industry needs to be eradicated, that massage parlors are dens of criminal activity. They believe that Pornhub is as evil and dangerous as Traffickinghub says, and if the government is not going to stop it like Traffickinghub wants it to, they threaten to stop it themselves by violent means.

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That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. Have the most relaxing week. Don’t forget to do your skin routine and drink a lot of water. If you have extra income, send $5 to one of your BIPOC friends and buy them a coffee.