Using lube does NOT mean there's something wrong with you.
Everyone should be using lube, regardless of their natural "wetness."
Hey babe,
First of all: HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY! Congratulations, you gorgeous sexy babe. Don’t forget to buy your partner flowers, or chocolate, or a great book, if they’re a woman. It’s our day!
In the vein of celebrating women and all out amazing, gorgeous bodies can do, I wanted to take a minute to talk about lube - because to this day, I’m still getting letters from people who either think they’re broken because they don’t get “wet enough” on their own, or from their partners who think they shouldn’t need to use lube.
There is no such thing as “wet enough.” That’s not a thing, if you ask me.
Honestly, if someone refuses to use lube or tells you there’s something wrong with you for using it, that’s a huge red flag. It’s a reflection on their sexual understanding and basic lack of knowledge about how human bodies works.
I really can’t say enough good things about lube. Lube makes sex better. It really is that simple. It doesn’t matter how turned on you are, lube will still enhance your experience. Whether you’re with a partner or flying solo, always use lube.
Lube should be an essential component of your sex life. It provides a barrier against friction from penis, hand, or sex toy. Friction does not make vulvas or anuses happy. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. It doesn’t mean you are broken.
No matter how wet your vagina gets naturally, there's always room for lube. Lube makes everything better. It can even make your orgasms better and stronger. It enhances everything.
Other amazing benefits include: Less pain during penetration and increased sensitivity. Lube makes the world go ‘round. If your partner is being a grade-A weirdo about using lube, just send him or her this article.
The whole, “I make her wet enough. We don’t need lube” trope is outdated and, frankly, boring. Anyone who says this probably doesn’t make you that wet anyway. Let’s get one thing straight: there is nothing wrong with using lube. It’s kind of twisted that there is still a social taboo against using something that is literally designed to make sex better. Personal lubricants decrease friction from penises, hands, or sex toys. Anuses and penises do not self-lubricate the way a vagina does. You need lube to make anal, toy, and hand play comfortable and pleasurable. Friction does not make vulvas, penises, or anuses happy. That is how you wind up with sex-injuries. Genital rug-burn? No one wants that.
Everyone should use lube. Get some that works for you. Use a high-quality lube, be patient, and take the time to really enjoy yourself and set time aside to get fully aroused for sex. The more lube the better. I always say you shouldn’t be thinking there can be “too much” lube. You should want to be on a water slide. It just makes everything better.
Of course, there is so little good information on sexuality out there that it’s difficult to know where to begin on this lube journey. It can be hard to know which lube is right for you and what you should buy.
Water-based: The Jack of All Trades
Water-based lube is the one-size fits all of personal lubricant. It goes with every kind of sexual act and you never really have to think about whether or not it’s going to damage your toys. All materials are compatible with water-based lube. When in doubt, always choose a water-based option. This is the safest bet.
Here are a few products I personally recommend: Sustain Natural, Unbound Jelly, SKYN, and Pjur Lube.
Silicone-based
Silicone lube is great for staying power. You barely ever have to reapply. It’s ideal for anal play, whether you’re using a penis or toy. Silicone lube has the power to turn sexual play into a waterslide. Who wouldn’t love that?
There is one big downside to silicone lube when it comes to sex toys. Silicone toys are not compatible with silicone lube. Silicone lubes will degrade the integrity of your silicone toys. Sex toys are kind of expensive.
My favorite silicone lubes are Sliquid, System Joe, UberLube, and Astroglide.
Plant-based
For those health-nuts out there, a plant-based option is as organic as you can get. If you want to go all-natural, a plant-based lube is your go-to. Oil-based lubes stay the F on there. Aloe Vera, while not oil-based, used to be a favorite of Sex Coaching legend Betty Dodson (RIP, Betty).
The major problem with oil-based plant options is that they are incompatible with latex condoms. It causes them to corrode and break. If you’re using condoms on your sex toys with different partners, you shouldn’t pick an oil-based lubricant. Remember, when in doubt, go for the water-based lube every time.
Some lubes I really love: Maud’s aloe-based lube (compatible with latex condoms!), CocoLube, Woo More Play, and Alu from Dame Products.
Use lube, do your thing, have a sexy ass life.
This week’s mantras:
There is no right way to experience sex. Everyone enjoys different things.
I am enough.
I am capable of pleasure and I deserve pleasure.
I will love myself.
I love you. Have a great week.
XOXO Auntie G
~Good ReadSSSssssSS~
How Kink Can Be Used to Help Your Mental Health
For The Body, I explored the ways in which kink can be used to heal from past trauma. There is an inaccurate portrayal of kink wherein those who practice must have been traumatized in some form or other. This is not true. Lots of people love kink who don’t have a trauma history. With that being said, it can be deeply healing for those with psychological wounds as well. While BDSM does not nullify the importance of traditional talk therapy, it can be used as another tool in the old belt to help people cope with the pain of their pasts.
How Your Personality Impacts Your Sex Life
There are so many things that impact sexuality and sexual feelings. There is no separating out one’s emotions, psychological state, world happenings, or how we’re feeling physically. All of these things impact our capacity to experience our sexuality fully. Something I had certainly considered, but not to such a pinpointed degree was the ways our personality types might impact who we are sexually. A recent study in Psychology Bulletin explored five of the most common personality traits and how they impact our sexual behavior. Which one(s) are you?
My Abuser and I Were in Love. That Was the Problem.
This article made me weep, it made me angry, and it made me feel ashamed of the way I’ve held on in abusive situations in my past. Sometimes the experiences of others can help us heal from our own unique wounds. We don’t usually give voice to men who survive abuse. And I think that is a real shame. This article is very powerful - the story may be triggering so, be warned.
How to Send a Sexy Voice-Note to Up Your Sexting Game
Sex educator and sexologist Gigi Engle – who also runs classes on sexting – says that voice notes can be especially hot because they incorporate senses other than sight. “All of our senses are involved in sexual arousal,” she says, “so it’s a whole different experience hearing somebody saying something dirty to you over the phone. It’s titillating and naughty.”
25 Tips to Enjoy Anal Sex From Someone Who Loves It
Ryn Pfeuffer takes on the journey of a lifetime with her very, very thorough list of anal sex tips. Who better to give us advice on anal than someone who absolutely fucking loves having it? Don’t forget the LUBE!
~Ask Gigi~
Ask Gigi: How Your Boobs Can Increase Sexual Pleasure
You don’t need to completely embrace and love your body to enjoy. But we do need to work towards body acceptance and neutrality in order to fully enjoy ourselves sexually.
That’s it for me this week, pals. Remember to masturbate, imagine good vibes coming your way, and keep pushing forward.
