What is arousal gel?

And is it worth the buy?

[This newsletter will always be free to read, but it’s also how I supplement bills and such - which allows me the flexibility to bring you the best possible sex education every week. So, if you like what you read, please consider a paid subscription.]

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Hey babe,

Arousal gels are quite the hot topic these days. So, what exactly are they and, more importantly, are they worth buying?

What is arousal gel?

Arousal gels are lube-like gels that can give your labia/clitoris etc. a tingly, warming, buzzing, or cooling sensation. They increase blood flow and can help with aiding arousal. Arousal gels and lubes enhance pleasure thanks to ingredients like menthol, peppermint oil, and CBD. Keep in mind that the only time a CBD lube actually works is if it's made with full spectrum CBD from the leaves, not the hemp oil from seeds -- don't get swindled!

Before using any type of lube, you need to check the ingredients.Always do a patch test on your arm to see how to experience the sensation. If any pain or itchiness occurs, wash off the gell with warm water stat. If you’re using a vibrator or dildo, it’s best to stick with water-based lubes since silicone and oil can actually break down sex toys. Not ideal.

What arousal gels ~do~.

The main point is to increase pleasure. These gels are often designed to promote blood flow and ease body tension -- we need to be relaxed and embodied to let go enough to experience pleasure and orgasm so these gels can help. They really force your focus to your genitals and the sensations you're experiencing, which can make staying in the moment easier for some folx.

Arousal gels are not a “quick fix” for libido problems.

You cannot just rely on an arousal gel to get you in the mood. They are simply an aid that can be helpful, but they aren't a substitute for proper foreplay, seduction, the right kinds of stimulation, and creating a calming environment for sex.

Sexual arousal is born out of a complex physiological and psychological process. We have a dual control model of arousal. There are things that send a "turn on" signal and there are things that send a "turn off" signal. Turn offs include stress, anxiety, discomfort in the environment, the wrong kind of stimulation etc.

Amping up desire is not about adding a ton of things to the turn on switch, it's about removing things from the turn off signal so that the turn on switch has room to come online.

So, take this into consideration before you get busy.

Arousal gels can help promote being turned on, but they aren't usually enough to do the whole job. We're so keen to find "quick fixes" for lower desire but what we need to be looking at is the conditions we actually need to promote desire -- and work creating those conditions. It isn't the easier route, but it's a more dependable one. So, don't feel bad if you put some on and aren't suddenly rearing to go for sex.

5 ways to boost overall arousal.

1. Create a relaxing environment. Set the mood, add in lighting, relaxing music, and maybe a candle. 

2. Ask your partner to take things off your "to do" list in order to remove things from your "turn off" switch.

3. Have a ton of foreplay. Don't just jump to penetration. 

4. Start arousal during the day. Send flirty texts, sexy pics etc. This gets the arousal process going long before you're actually naked together.

5. Try some breathing exercises before sex in order to calm the nervous system. I suggest inhaling deeply and exhaling deeply as you do some "cat and cows" from yoga. This way you're both calming the nervous system and increasing blood flow to the pelvis and gential region.

3 brands I really, really like for arousal gel.

1. Dame Products

2. Foria

3. Bloomi

This week’s mantras:

1. I will give my pleasure the time and attention that it deserves.

2. Pleasure is a journey, not always a destination. And that’s a beautiful thing.

3. I will love myself.

I love you. Have a great week!

XOXO Auntie Gigi

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~Good ReadsSsSssSsSs~

• Is swinging even still a thing? And while the answer is an emphatic hell yes, it is, if the idea of swingers swapping sex partners is giving you Mad Men flashbacks, there’s a good reason for that. Swinging has been around since basically forever—long before consensual non-monogamy was anywhere near mainstream. But swinging has come a long way since its 1950s-pearls-and-polka-dots, secret-gathering roots. These days, The Lifestyle is alive and well—growing and evolving as non-monogamy continues to increase in visibility and cultural acceptance. Read my latest for Cosmo to learn more. Read more. - COSMO

• When MAFS Australia contestant Jack revealed a kink on the show recently, it was deemed so shocking, Channel 4 in the UK censored it out. They were apparently queamish about his interest in golden showers. Figures. A lot of stuff goes into this kink. There’s an element of sensory play that goes into it, like the smell of urine and the warmness of it. It’s also linked to humiliation fetishes. Being peed on is degrading, it’s one of the most degrading things you can do to someone – worse than getting spat on – so that’s part of the sexual appeal. But, of course, there’s even more to it. I spoke to Metro this week to tell them all about golden showers — and why we should stop yucking other people’s yum. Read more. - METRO

• You know I love a good deep dive into nipple-gasms. Oh you didn’t? OK, well I do. One of my features was quoted in this very thorough piece on nipple orgasms and it always delights me to see nipples getting the attention they deserve. I can’t be the only one telling y’all to get out there and pinch those nips, you know? Read more. - THE PITCH

• I updated my ultimate guide to ANAL SEX! Yes, there are not 43 (!!!!) tips on there. We legit covered it all. If you’ve ever been into anal — or are curious about trying it, this is the guide you need. Read more. - COSMO

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Weekly LOL

I mean, we’ve all got needs, amiright?

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That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. You are a superstar. Don’t forget to masturbate this week!