Why do we want to bite our partners during s-x?
And yes, some thoughts on this unbelievable Roe v Wade tragedy, too.
Hey babe,
So Roe was overturned. We now have more rights to own a gun than we do to actually have bodily autonomy.
It’s a terrible and tragic time for people with uteruses. But instead of ranting about this for 1200 words - which I absolutely could, I thought I would share a fun blog about why we want to bite people during sex - because when the world is literally burning, sometimes we just need a distraction to have some joy in a when we are in hell. Sometimes we just need to have a little fun and talk about weird things in evolutionary biology in order not to cry.
So, here we go.
Have you ever looked at a partner and thought, You are so fucking sexy and hot. I just want to bite your face off? You’re definitely not the only one. This is actually a super common feeling — one that’s rooted in evolutionary biology.
As it turns out, this urge to nibble is an evolutionary side effect known as “cute aggression.” And, to be clear, it’s not about actually wanting to eat a partner. Rather, it’s about wanting to bite something as a form of affection and because we’re so overwhelmed with feelings of positivity for that person, animal, or thing.
So, if you’ve ever wanted to sink your gnashers into someone during sex and wondered why, you’ve come to the right place. Here is what you need to know about why we’re into biting — and how to do it safely.
“Cute aggression” and evolution
“Cute aggression” has historically been understood as the urge to bite something we see as “cute” or “adorable.’” For instance, have you ever seen the juiciest, cutest baby in all the land and wanted to take a bite right out of the rolls on their thighs?
If babies aren’t your thing, maybe you’ve looked at a tiny little puppy with big, happy eyes and wanted to bury your face in their fur and eat them? This is all due to cute aggression.
This comes from a psychology thing called “dimorphous expression” is at the root of these contradictory feelings. Dimorphous expression is when someone who feels a strong emotion expresses the opposite emotion. Meaning, you feel overwhelmed with love and joy towards a cute thing — and you feel the urge to munch down on said cute thing as a way to show said love. The biting is an aggressive expression of affection. Animals (including humans) are wild, man.
Studies show that the manifestation of “cute aggression” might be a form of emotional regulation. The feelings are so strong that we literally do not even know what to do with them. And so, we bite.
But, just to reiterate, it’s not about wanting to actually put a puppy on a kebab and have it for lunch. It’s about feeling aggressive tendencies due to overpowering positive emotion. You would not actually hurt the puppy — you’d snuggle it and pet it a lot until your nervous system calmed the fuck down.
Biting partners in an erotic way
The sexual aggression we feel towards our partners (and the subsequent desire to bite them), is another form of cute aggression. Biting in a sexual way usually indicates being interested in someone in an erotic way. It’s a form of play and flirting.
In studies, animals who were perceived as “cuter” were often subjected to more biting and other playful behaviors by their human (or animal) caretakers — and the same is true of us wiley humans with other humans. Our cute aggression erupts from the intensity of the passion and excitement we feel towards our partners when aroused.
Plus, biting is just plain fun when there’s sex involved. It heightens arousal when we’re in the sexy mindset.
Additionally, some people can become sexually aroused by seeing their teeth marks on their or their partner’s body. Like, maybe you want to see literally marks of your passion on your partners lovely flesh. That’s hot.
In short, in a heightened arousal state, pain can often feel like pleasure. Our nerve endings are on high alert. Sexual desire and the overpowering need to tear our partner’s clothes off and sink our teeth into their skin is really just cute aggression amped up on sexual desire.
How to bite your partner in a sexy way
If you want to bite your partner and don’t want to, say, do actual damage because you’re not a monster, there is definitely a good way to go about it.
First things first: Always, always, always get enthusiastic consent before biting someone during sex. Some people aren’t into that, and that’s totally OK. Ask your partner if they like being bitten (and where) and then go for it if they’re down to clown. It’s all about getting that “hell yeah” before you sink your teeth in.
It’s always better to start softer before really going for it. You’re not legit trying to take a chunk out of a partner’s mouth-wateringly juicy ass; you’re trying to show passion and increase arousal. Don’t stay there for too long because that can be painful (and not ‘hot’ painful). Basically, it’s as simple as, “take a bite and move on.”
Additionally, you don’t just want to bite indiscriminately.The stomach, for instance, it quite fleshy but it’s also generally sensitive - so you should be careful when exploring this terrain.
Like most things we’re inclined to do in bed, biting is normal and hot, when done correctly. We’re all just animals trying to get it on, after all.
This week’s mantras:
Pleasure is beautiful and I deserve to have it the way I want it.
I deserve to be selfish sometimes.
It’s OK to do new things.
I will love myself.
I love you. Have a great week!
XOXO Auntie Gigi
This newsletter originally appeared on InsideHook.
‘Lil fun press adventures
In conversation on the Sex Talks with Diana show hosted by @mysexbio. I shared my sex-positive perspective on everything from body image and BDSM to mental health, porn, and vulva mapping.
On this episode of Sexology Podcast with Dr. Nazanin Moali, we discussed swinging, the way in which the media portrays swinging versus the reality, and the importance of consent when exploring swinging.
That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. You look so adorable today.
