Can someone explain why humans swap saliva?

The science of kissing is incredibly interesting.

Hey babe,

I want to chat about something I find incredibly interesting: KISSING <3

Have you ever been into someone and then kissed them only to think, “Nope. Not for me”? Or maybe you’ve kissed a person and thought, “This person is super sexy, and I want to get it on.” There are concrete, science-backed reasons why this happens.

Having good kissing experiences (assuming you don’t have an aversion to the act of kissing) actually has a profound effect on attraction and relationships.

Kissing doesn’t get enough attention, and it deserves its day in the sun. Kissing (and other intimate behaviors) play an essential role in increased intimacy. Long smoosh-sessions helps to build sexual arousal. This communicates enthusiasm for both partners to escalate their sexual connection.

How Kissing Helps in Establishing Compatibility

Science has an interesting explanation for why kissing plays such a fundamental role in our attraction to a mate. According to researchers at Oxford University, kissing may help people determine if a partner is a good genetic match.

When you make out with someone (or swap spit), your body takes that genetic material and decodes if that person’s immune system is complementary to yours and would produce strong offspring. Your body (and brain) assess biological compatibility with our partners (or potential partners). This includes saliva!

Kissing, Building Erotic Intimacy, and Overall Relationship Satisfaction

Kissing is one of the main courting activities that builds sexual energy between two people. Positive kissing experiences can heighten the small, everyday interactions with your partner, a thing psychologist Karen Gurney, Ph.D., calls “sexual currency.” A study from Archives of Sexual Behavior shows that kissing helps to increase pair bonding and feelings of intimacy between partners.

It’s these moments of affection (and desire) that establish you and your partner as sexual beings who see each other on an erotic level. The study also showed that couples who engaged in regular romantic kissing were more likely to see these smooch-fests turn into further sexual engagement. Another study from the journal Sexual and Relationship Therapy provides evidence that kissing frequency is a positive indicator of overall sexual and relationship satisfaction between couples.

Erotic desire is not stagnant—it’s kind of like a houseplant. A houseplant needs regular watering, sunshine, and TLC. Our relationships require regular attention and love if we want them to keep on thriving. Kissing is the water of a relationship. 

There are several studies that suggest that physical contact often leads to increased levels of arousal for interested parties, which activates the same reward system as orgasm. This can lead to added interest and excitement. The more positive erotic experiences you have, the more you want.

Yes, kissing really is that important, folks. Don’t sleep on it.

Three Ways to Upgrade Your Kissing Game

1. Be sure your breath is fresh.

Honestly, no amount of “good” kissing will make up for a sloppy mouth. Good oral hygiene is a cornerstone of kissing. No one wants to kiss someone who has a stinky mouth, friends.

2. Devote some real time for kissing.

Kissing isn’t foreplay, it’s more play. Take your time and appreciate it for what it is: A really good time. It’s a chance to connect on a passionate, sensual experience.

3. Learn to listen with your lips.

Using your lips to show your desire can be very important. Kissing isn’t all about the kiss itself, but what you’re trying to communicate: Love, lust, intimacy etc. Play around with different pressures and speeds - see what works for you.

Kissing Doesn’t Always Mean Sex—and That Is A-OK

Lastly, just because you like kissing someone doesn’t mean it needs to lead to sex. A theme I see often with my clients is one partner (the partner with a lower level of desire) thinking that if they engage in physical intimacy at all with their partner, there is an implicit pressure to do more. Take time to invest in kissing - seeing it as its own part of intimacy, rather than as something that needs to lead to more.

If you want to just kiss, say so. Tell your partner that you just want to feel close to them and would enjoy a fun makeout sesh, with the caveat that you’re not feeling super-sexual right now. They’ll probably understand. And, of course, extend the same courtesy to your partner if they don’t want to take it further.

Wild, amiright??

This week’s mantras:

1. I am entitled to intimacy that doesn’t lead to sex (if I don’t want it to).

2. Life is abundant and joy is everywhere.

3. I will love myself.

I love you. Have a great week!

XOXO Auntie Gigi

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~Good ReadsSsSssSsSs~

Have you wondered what it would be like to be in a threesome? Not even sure where you’d begin? I spoke to Yahoo all about it to give you the vest best tips. Read more. - Yahoo

Making relationship thrive is no easy task. But there are some important qualities that really positively impact them. Luckily, MBG enlisted a therapist (not me lol) to talk us through it. Any of these sounds familiar to you? Read more. - Mind Body Green

Being asexual is not an opportunity for someone to try to “convince you to have sex.” You are not going to make an asexual person have sexual feelings. They are valid in their identity. Read more. - Refinery29

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That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. Kissing can absolutely be enjoyed for kissing’s sake. Go get your makeout on, pals!