Seems like a good time to crack on with your s+x questions.
For all the answers, this way come.
Hey kitten,
Last week we celebrated National Sex Day - right in the middle of Pride month! What a time to be alive, eh? It feels like a fabulous time to crack on with answering some of your most burning sex questions, in honor of such a wonderful week. Here’s what y’all came up with.
1. Question; Can I have sex on my period, as I usually get more horny at this time of the month?
ANSWER: Periods have long been stigmatized for basically ever. Having sex on your period has been historically seen as unsavory or unclean. Luckily, attitudes are changing slowly, but surely. Period sex is totally normal, fun, and actually quite healthy for you. Hormones are ablaze for many women during their periods. Some of us feel our most sexually aroused during our cycle. Bodies are too cool.
Not every woman gets hornier on her period, but it does happen to some -- so we should be able to talk about it. Scratch that, we should be able to have period sex openly and enjoy it. Orgasms can relieve tension headaches, menstrual cramps, and even calm anxiety.
So the million dollar question: What about the mess? There is no way around it: When you have sex on your period, there is blood. The first step is accepting this fact. Talk to your partner about the period sex situation before you have it. Get the communication factor out of the way. As normal as period sex should be, if you haven’t done it before it can be a shock (and not in a good way). Your period is red, your towel is red or blue towel. Done and done.
Remember to have fun. Don’t focus entirely on the penetrative/mess aspects of this situation. Treat this sexual experience like any other and embrace it to the fullest. This means grabbing the sex toys in lieu of having boring, ultra-careful sex because you’re so afraid of damaging your sheets. Live your life!
2. Questions: How many dates should I go on before having sex?
ANSWER: There is no way to give a definitive answer to this question. It’s all about your levels of trust with this person, how into them you are, and whether or not you feel ready. This could be after one date, three dates, or two months. Everyone is different. What matters is feeling ready, excited, and not like you’re being pressured by the other person.
Remember, if you choose to sleep with someone on a first or second date and they don’t call you back, slut shame you, or think you’re “that kind of girl” (whatever the hell that means), you dodged a huge bullet. You do not have time to be wasting on some asshat how doesn’t understand that you are a human person deserving of respect and you do not deserve it more or less based on the sex you do or do not have. Sex is a normal part of human life. Enjoy it and don’t ever let anyone make you feel badly about yourself for doing what you want.
3. Question: My sex life is very vanilla. How can I spice it up and make it more exciting?
ANSWER: As human beings, we need to try new things in bed to keep it hot. Trying new things together can help shaking things up. What we tend to forget with sex is that there are truly endless possibilities to what we can do to experience pleasure. The human body, the vulva especially, is a complex piece of anatomy. The clitoris is like a magical animal of its own. It’s a bit finicky and unpredictable at times.
What once worked to get you to orgasm may not forever. Additionally, the brain is a huge part of what turns you on and right now, your brain is bored with the same routine. It needs something new, something fresh to get it excited again.
We all adapt and change over time. Try something new. Experiment with alternative positions and find a new favorite. And remember, you can always come back to this one again in the future.
Have you considered that your partner goes to this position because he or she knows this is your favorite position? When you’ve been married for a long time, it’s difficult to try and rework a system that has always worked. How can you know something is broken if nothing has lead you to think it’s broken, you know?
You have to be willing to communicate. If you want to try kinkier, more adventurous sex, say you want to try new sex positions, toys, and spice things up. Few people are going to be against this.
Also …. check out who’s in print this week for ERO Magazine?
This week’s mantras:
I am enough.
I am enough.
I am enough.
I will love myself.
I love you. Have a great week!
XOXO Auntie Gigi
~Good ReadsSsSssSsSs~
The Ultimate Guide to Plays with Breasts (And The Skinny On Nipple Orgasms)
For Men’s Health, I delved into what actually happens when someone is able to have an orgasm through nipple stimulation alone. Yes, it does happen. Not a LOT, but it DOES occur.
This is 100% science here, folks:
Stimulated nipple to the brain: DAMN, GURL, THAT IS NICE!
Brain to nipple: Oh, yeah, gurl, you like that?
Nipple to brain: Yeah, gurl. This is AMAZIN’!!!
Brain to nipple: That’s rad, gurl! That’s sexual. We are here for that!
Brain to genitals: Hey, gurl. You are experiencing positive sexual touch, mk?
Genitals to brain: Oh, ok, gurl. I’ll start that sexual response cycle.
Brain to genitals: Awesome, gurl. I am having a great time, too. Let’s party.
Is Gross Food Play Actually A Sex Thing?
For InsideHook, editor Logan Mahan interviewed me about one of specialities, weird sex stuff people are into. If you read my piece on Alien Dildos, you’ll know exactly how much I love all the creepy, crawly things that enmesh themselves in our sexual desires. Enter: Sploshing.
“Sploshing is a fetish where people enjoy being inside of, covered in, sitting on, etc. jelly-like or food substances. This can include food play — such as cake sitting, being covered in frosting during sex and all that good stuff,” explains certified sex coach and sexologist Gigi Engle. “It can also include non-food substances like shaving cream, Jell-O, large amounts of lube, paint, etc. Basically, it’s when you get a lot of sexual enjoyment from copious amounts of wet messiness during sexual play — whether you’re actually having sex or not.”
Yum.
My Key to Self-Compassion
Jessica Valenti’s newsletter, All In Her Head, really gave me a punch in the gut this week. It’s all about how she’s teaching her daughter the lessons she’d learned herself about self-compassion and how she needs to model it in order for the teachings to manifest in a radical way.
I have never been easy on myself. When I fail at something, I treat it as a sign that I am, in fact, a failure. When I succeed, I assume it’s luck—more to do with a random twist of fate than any skill I may possess or effort I put in. I understand logically that thinking this way is untrue and unhelpful, but self-awareness doesn’t save me: I just beat myself up further for being self-critical.
Can you relate?
LOL of the day:
That’s it for me this week, pals. I love you. Remember to eat your greens and have an orgasm a day for glowing skin, a boosted mood, and all around joy. You’re perfect just the way you are and I adore you. XOXO
